Metaphor jokes

Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families, and careers.

When a woman says, "I need to be treated like a delicate flower," don't cut the wrong cord on the bomb.

What is the speed limit for sex? 68, because if you go any faster, you’ll have to turn around.

My neighbor's daughter gave me a three-course meal last night:

Starters - role play and stripping.

Main course - Reverse Cowgirl.

Dessert - Blowy.

Your mom gave me a three course meal last night:

Starters - Foreplay

Main course - Reverse Cowgirl

Dessert - Blowy

Won't forget the side drink of an individual on individual bukkake.

Why did the pencil want to kill himself?

He had no point in life.

What sits on the seabed and has anxiety? A nervous wreck.

Are you a bullet? Because I can't get you out of my head.

Life is like a penis. It is short.

(Best pick-up line ever). Your body is like 9/11. I wanna crash into your twin towers. 😏

If I wanted to commit suicide, I would climb up to your ego, and then jump down to your IQ.

My kids found me in the family tree. I was hanging there for hours.

My pencil sharpener when I bleed:

And I don't really care how bad it hurts. Cause you broke me first.

"I had raped the game young, you can call it statutory." - Kanye West in 2009 (Forever with Drake, Eminem, and Lil Wayne)

I'm always hanging in there.

Hanging on the wall.

Say this to your significant other (or your weird friends!)

Are you an unsafe staircase? 'Cause you look like you could use a railing.

I may not be the brightest candle on the cake, but you can still blow me.

This is not really a joke, but it's a question.

If life is a movie, then is death life? Is we seeing the trailer right now?

Q: Why do depressed people always have colored hair?

A: That’s as close as they can get to dye.

What fell down the tree first, the emo or the apple?

Guess what? The apple, because the emo got left hanging.