Metaphor jokes
Life with depression is like a cheeseburger.
It's not good without the cheese.
What do you call a seven who's not feeling well? A sick seven
Where did Sally go after stepping onto the minefield? Everywhere
Getting a girlfriend is just like parking a car; usually all the good ones are taken, so you just gotta stick it in the disabled one and hope nobody notices.
What do you call a riot full of white people?
An avalanche.
I'm not saying you're annoying.
But if a yeast infection were a person, it would be you.
Children are like pills.
The smaller they are, the easier they are to take.
Why can't Stephen Hawking win any arguments?
Because he can't stand up for himself.
What does a sex offender and Santa have in common?
They will come down your "chimney" tonight.
How are my sister‘s legs and peanut butter alike?\n\nThey’re both smooth and easy to spread.
Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families, and careers.
When a woman says, "I need to be treated like a delicate flower," don't cut the wrong cord on the bomb.
What is the speed limit for sex? 68, because if you go any faster, you’ll have to turn around.
My neighbor's daughter gave me a three-course meal last night:
Starters - role play and stripping.
Main course - Reverse Cowgirl.
Dessert - Blowy.
Your mom gave me a three course meal last night:
Starters - Foreplay
Main course - Reverse Cowgirl
Dessert - Blowy
Won't forget the side drink of an individual on individual bukkake.
Why did the pencil want to kill himself?
He had no point in life.
What sits on the seabed and has anxiety? A nervous wreck.
Are you a bullet? Because I can't get you out of my head.
Life is like a penis. It is short.
(Best pick-up line ever). Your body is like 9/11. I wanna crash into your twin towers. 😏
If I wanted to commit suicide, I would climb up to your ego, and then jump down to your IQ.
My kids found me in the family tree. I was hanging there for hours.