Metaphor jokes
What's the difference between a maze and a depressed life? One of them you can find a way out of.
Marriage is like a deck of cards.
In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond.
By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade.
I'm like a broken refrigerator, cool but broken inside.
My future is so bright, I need a flashlight to see where I'm going.
I'm a fast reader, I can go through 20 stories in a few seconds.
This is in a book I’m reading
I've never worn my gay sweater, it hasn't come out of the closet yet.
I don't get why cancer is so hard to beat. I'm already on stage 4.
Life is like a dick, it just gets hard for no reason.
What is the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?
The wheelchair.
My mom is the jelly, and my dad is the peanut butter. And I am the bread, the only thing keeping them together.
My pencil sharpener when I bleed:
And I don't really care how bad it hurts. Cause you broke me first.
My life is like a broken pencil, it's pointless.
If I wanted to commit suicide, I would climb up to your ego, and then jump down to your IQ.
My kids found me in the family tree. I was hanging there for hours.
Q: Why do depressed people always have colored hair?
A: That’s as close as they can get to dye.
Why can't you kill a depressed person?
Because they are already dead inside.
Life is like a penis. Long, free, flowing, and soft, until a woman comes and makes it hard. 😉
I used to have a fear of hurdles.
But I got over it.
Life is like a penis, women make it hard.
Q: How do you make a 9/11 cocktail?
A: Light two Manhattans on fire and then knock them over.