The doctor said he had good news and bad news. The good news is that you have 24 hours to live. The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday.
Dolls have wigs made of mohair, cancer patients have wigs of no hair.
What do you call a bad amputation?
A rip-off.
Why did Grampa pass out? Because of diabetes.
Why does the nurse need a red pen?
In case she has to draw blood.
Viagra is a lot like amusement parks...
It's a one hour wait, for a two-minute ride.
An apple a day can do so much more than keep the doctor away... it can keep ANYONE away.
if you throw it hard enough.
What's the most expensive haircut in the world?
Chemotherapy.
If you overdose on Viagra, do you die... hard?
We wrote letters to a kid with cancer. My letter read, "It's a bumpy road but soon you will have a straight path." People didn't realize it was meant for his heart monitor.
How do you recover from prostate cancer surgery?
It’s all Depends!
What did the cancer cell say to its neighbor?
"Mind if I join you?"
A man gets an email from his doctor.
"Sorry for the delay on getting your prescription, it'll be at your house tomorrow."
The man thinks to himself, "Oh shit! Then what have I been taking?"
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Depression medicine and therapy.
GO AWAY!
What did Freddie Mercury use to improve his hearing?
Hearing AIDS.
A doctor walks up to a dying man and sadly says: "I'm sorry, the test shows you only have 10 more to live."
The man says "10!? 10 what!? Years? Weeks? Days? What?!!?"
The doctor calmly replies "Nine".
There was a guy how had a stroke, eh.
He's all right.
Q: What do you do with a sick chemist?
A: If you cannot helium, you have to curium. If you cannot curium, you have to barium!
My mom said the happier a person is when sick, the sooner they get better.
So I went to the hospital, hooked up everyone's breathing masks to laughing gas.
What did the kid with leukemia watch last night? Finding Chemo.
