Having a stroke?
Stop it!
A book went to the doctor’s office and said: “Doctor, doctor, I’ve got thesaurus throat ever.”
I hate salmonella.
It is such a pain in the butt.
*Coughs roughly* Oh my God, it hurts so much. I can't see. It burns! Help!!! Help!!! Help!!! Help!!! *Weakly*
Your mama is so funny looking that when the doctor called her, he said, "Never visit me again. I hope you die!"
Went to the doctor, told him I've been having dreams, first about a wigwam, then about a teepee. He said I was too tense.
What’s the best part of stage four cancer?
A: There’s no stage five.
Why can't orphans go to the hospital? Because it is a family hospital. Sorry for the long break in between my jokes. I just had some family stuff, but I am back.
I wish the doctor would prescribe me some medicine that's actually useful, like cyanide.
If I was a raped victim, would silence be the best medicine?
Kid sees their grandma taking pills and asks...
"Grandma, why do you need to take all those pills?"
"Well, Grandma needs to take the green medicine for her headaches, but the green pills give her diarrhea. So grandma needs to take the yellow pills for diarrhea, but those pills always make grandma very depressed. Because of her depression, grandma needs to take the black pills, but those always give her high blood pressure. To cure the high blood pressure, grandma has to take the red pills, but those make her always very horny. That's why grandpa has to take the blue pills."
What is mad cow disease?
An orphan goes to a doctor.
Doctor: "Sorry, I can't help you."
Orphan: "But why?"
Doctor: "I'm a family doctor."
The best part about being a medical student is, you will never run out of jokes.
If I was God, my parents would be anesthetists.
It’s important to establish a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive.
Why am I still alive?
Pills give me stomachaches, blood makes me faint, height frightens me...
We just found out Grandpa is addicted to Viagra. No one is taking it harder than Grandma.
I've recently been treated with Asthma and have been prescribed penicillin. One day I was taking it and a man screaming "SUIII" came into the room and stole it! He thought the penicillin would give him penalties. I couldn't breathe, shame on you Penaldo for ruining my life!
Did you hear about the man who died of a Viagra overdose? They couldn't close the casket.
