Medicine jokes
Bobby had 54 dicks (54).
He took 33 pills a month (5433).
Once he ran out of pills, he was left with 45 dicks (543345).
(Flip the calculator once you got the full number. 543345! He's got a lot!
What's the similarities between dark humor and cancer?
It's funnier when kids get it.
You know what I like most about people with Parkinson's... Their handshake!
"Hi, this is Pete's pizzeria and abortion clinic, where yesterday's loss is today's sauce."
doctor: you need to eat healthy.
me: no.
doctor: the last patient who didn't change their diet after I suggested it died.
me: oh my goodness.
doctor: in a plane crash.
me: that sounds unrelated.
doctor: I'm the one that crashed it. Do not disobey me!
What's an asthma patient’s least favorite vegetable?
An arti-“choke”!
What's green and has a thousand nipples?
A garbage bag in the alley behind a breast cancer clinic.
Q: What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in the bathtub?
A: Throw in some laundry.
"Oh, hey guys, do you know I saw a guy with dementia?"
"Oh, hey guys, do you know I saw a guy with dementia?"
"Oh, hey, do you know I saw a guy with dementia?"
Man with cancer: How much time do I have left?
Doctor: Ten.
Man: Weeks? Months? Days?
Doctor: Nine, eight, seven...
*having sex on lexapro*
Her: Cum for me, baby!
Me: I'm trying!
Abortions = yeetis of the fetus.
I have nut cancer...
Why can't Oregon go to the doctor?
Because they need parents' signature.
Why did the doctor turn the orphan down?
Because he is a family doctor.
What has hands but can’t clap?
A thalidomide baby.
Why are cancer kids so fly?
Because they got the drip.
My fat friend went to the doctor because he wanted to know his blood type. After performing some tests, the doctor said, "Well, the test results have shown that your blood type is ragu."
Why did the skeleton die from laughter?
'Cause they broke all his "funny bones!"
Breaking news: Man with Alzheimer's forgets he's blind and recovers from visual impairment.