Medical Jokes

My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. So I unplugged his life support

Why is there no medication in Africa? Because doctors advised you don't take it on an empty stomach.

Son:Mom, I did the test and I have cancer!

Mom:YOU HAVE CANCER?!

Son:Mom, as my zodiac symbol...

Mom:....

Gina: Maryen? Karlya? Amber? Kristie? Why isn't it listed that she's here?

Zari: Your sister is'nt listed in the meantime, just relax.

Gina: That still doesn't answer why she's not listed. I want her to see me!

Zari: Anyway, it will be time for your medications, we have the gixen and the Uiasends.

Gina: Do you know my sisters name?

Zari: Yes. Her name is Jalien.

Gina: Fine I don't care!!!

timmy goes to the doctor and says theirs a crack in my butt doctor, Timmy their is a crack is everyone butt see

I had to go to the doctor for a prostate exam, when he stuck it in I started to squirm so he held onto my shoulder. I thought it was going well.

Until he grabbed my other shoulder as well. ( If someone can write it better go ahead, I know it sucks)

You know your doctor is gay when he ask u to touch your toes and then you feel a rub on your back and a tickle on your anus

So what is the difference between a real doctor

Our family is known for unusually sloppy diarrhea. It runs in our jeans.

cancer isnt real its probably special affects

One time a kid came to the hospital and said “I really need help”, the kid said he was really hot so the put an ice cold towel on him. Then the doctor asked him if he had any problems and he said “yes I am really hot” and the doctor realized that he looked fine, so he said “are you sure, you look amazing” and the kid said that he ment to say I look hot!

A young woman goes for for her first gynecological exam and the nurse has her take off her clothes, put on a gown and get in the stirrups. She tells her the doctor will be in in a minute. The doctor comes in and tells the young lady that she has one of the most beautiful Vaginas he’s ever seen and he has seen Lot of them. She thanks him for the compliment. He tells her he is about to start the examination, but he is going to have to numb her first, when she says ok, he goes num num num num num!!!

The Queen: "I've had a few medical problems this year. I'm so old, that my pussy is haunted".

why did the cucumber go to the doctor because he wasn't peeling well

Patient: Sorry I'm so nervous, this is my first surgery.

Doctor: Oh don't worry, mine too!!

Did you know hospitals have an entire wing for free dead babies? It’s called the abortion center

When I trying to eat, but I hurt my feet. When I using a hoe, but I hurt my toe. When I going to a doctor, but then I get trolled. Oh I just, want to say, what the flip?!!

When I using a copper, but I enveloped by a hopper. When I trying to draw someone, but it ended up with a punishment. When I spit on a bunny, it jumps right on me. Oh I just, want to say, what the flip?!!

When I growing older, someone called me a slacker. When I was 33, I bumped into a tree. When I getting angry, people calls me crazy lady. Oh I just, want to say, what the flip?!!