Meat jokes

I was hitting my hand, and my mom asked me what I was doing. I said I'm beating my meat.

How do you quiet a baby down?

Make baby back ribs for dinner.

I have a cow over at my house spending the night with me because she has been out in the streets homeless and poor, so my family forced it to come and live with me at my place.

The cow asks me, "Where do I keep all the dairy items like the milk, cheese, yogurt, and meat?" I tell her, "In the refrigerator! Where do you think I keep them, on the farm with all the rest of those cows?"

That night we had to share a room and sleep in the same damn bed. Then she started getting high and drank some cow wine with titty milk, and it made her shit all over the bed.

My name is Bob, and I am a cow.

My grandfather was a knight, and his name was Sir Loin.

What’s the difference between Burger King and Ron Jeremy?

BK doesn’t sell real meat.

Have you ever had duck sausage? No? How about you duck on down and get yourself some!

The best quote by Kim Jong Un:

"Meeting girl in park is good, but parking meat in girl is better."

Meeting a girl at a park is good, but parking meat in girl is better.

What do you call an alligator with a magnifying glass?

An Investigator.

What's the song that plays at the very end of the movie, Dr. Strangecow, during the montage of nuclear blasts?

"Veal meat again, don't know where, don't know when..."

I went home one day, and three guys—a Spanish guy, a Chinese guy, and a white guy—told me, "You should be proud of your sister. She won a trophy about knowing her flavor of meats." Then my sister told me that I was blindfolded, and she gave all of them a blowjob, and I had to guess which flavor that I was sucking on. I was right all the time, and they gave me a trophy. The Trophy says "Blowjobs of the Flavors." As a brother, I couldn't be prouder.

Why do cows die?

'Cuz they are to beef.

Why do they call Melania Trump the "Walk-In Freezer"?

Answer: Because it's where EVERYONE GOES to "Hang Their Meat!"

What do you call a rocky formation covered in meat?

Meatcanyon.

(Meatcanyon is actually a YT that has like 1M subs so watch some of his content if you want to, lol!)

What is the difference between lettuce and a hamburger?

When the lettuce runs, the hamburger cries.

I got breast implants for my wife to squeeze on as she thrusts on my meat while straddled in between my legs.

What do you call an infant with no legs?

Ground beef.

I have a riddle for you:

10 people are on a boat, but they all die due to a tsunami except the captain.

Then, when he gets home, his wife serves him “penguin meat.”

Once he eats it, he starts crying.

Why?

Three boy chihuahua were hot about this girl chihuahua. She tells them, "I will date whichever one of you can use liver and cheese in the same sentence."

First dog says, "I love cheese, but liver is bland."

She replies, "Really original."

Next dog, "I love liver, but cheese makes me constipated."

She replies, "Ew, gross."

Third dog steps up, "Man, liver alone cheese mine."

Winner dog 3.

What is the spiciest meat ever? Pepperoni.