Meat jokes
Michael Jackson went into an Italian restaurant and died because he choked on 9-year-old meatballs.
What's the difference between a baby and a cooked chicken?
Several hundred calories.
How do lions đŠ like their steak?
"Roar!"
Whatâs the difference between a microwave and a 10 year old girl?
The microwave doesnât fart out blood and diarrhea when you pull your meat out.
Meat stands for: M - monitoring, E - evaluating, A - assessing/addressing, T - treatment.
So when you're shoving meat up people's asses, then you're monitoring them, evaluating them, assessing them, and treating them.
Memes
What did the tiger say to the bunny?
Nice to meat you!
Why do vegans use blowjobs?
Because they canât take real meat.
I had to give up my vegetarian diet.
Turns out they're a lot harder to catch than cows.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anyone can roast beef.
In a proud, boastful voice, Gemma told the old Chinese woman who was babysitting her that onions were the only food that could make you cry. The woman nodded and said that was true enough.
They continued eating for a while. "This is really good!" the little girl exclaimed. "What's this meat?"
The old lady replied with: "Well, there was a brown dog in your yard that wouldn't stop yapping."
Is it okay to say "nice to meat you" to a vegan?
1. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
2. Why did the melon jump into the lake? It wanted to be a water-melon.
3. What did the duck say when it bought lipstick? âPut it on my bill.â
4. What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.
5. What has a bed that you canât sleep in? A river.
6. Why were the teacherâs eyes crossed? She couldnât control her pupils.
7. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? An Envelope.
8. How does the ocean say hello? It waves.
9. What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match.
10. What creature is smarter than a talking parrot? A spelling bee.
11. Which U.S. state has the smallest soft drinks? Minnesota (as in, âmini-sodaâ).
12. Why couldnât the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted.
13. Apparently, you canât use âbeef stewâ as a password. Itâs not stroganoff.
14. Why did the drum take a nap? It was beat.
15. Where do hamburgers go dancing? They go to the meat-ball.
16. Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing.
17. Why shouldnât you write with a broken pencil? Because itâs pointless.
A man who desperately wanted to be good after serving time in prison was visited by an Angel. "You want to change? You can still enter heaven on two conditions. You must bet on the horses with any money you have and pass your winnings to someone less fortunate, and you must never hold on to any beef." The Angel then disappeared.
The man did as was told and became generous and kind. As he emerged from the betting office with all his money, he would pass every penny of it all to a deserving person each and every time.
He, however, couldn't seem to avoid meat and would still eat it no matter what.
When he died, the Angel came back for him.
"But I'm undeserving; I can't come with you," he said.
"Yes, you can," replied the Angel, "you gave all your stake (steak) away."
What did the cat say to the jar of cookies?
"Ground beef!"
What's the difference between a gay guy and a freezer? The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
What do Michelangelo and Kurt Cobain have in common? They both used their brains to paint the walls.
What does this mean? đđ„©
Why did Jeffrey eat all the ice cream in one sitting?
To make room in the freezer for his special meat.
What does a refrigerator and a gay male have in common?
Only one farts when you pull the meat out. đđđ
Why was 911 annoyed at the pizza guy?
Because they ordered meat lovers, but they got plane.
When someone asks you for a beef (fight), just say you're a vegetarian.