ME jokes

Man: Stop with these orphan jokes!

Me: Why? Are they going to tell their parents on me?

Guys, add me as a friend in Roblox. I'm hawaiilover973 :D

Me and a wheelchair person were playing tag, and I broke my leg so it can be fair for him.

A friend took me out to his shed and was showing me all his tools, when he pointed to a ladder. "That's my step ladder," he said. "I never knew my real ladder."

When your legs forget how to work after leg day, I can't climb the stairs.

Michael Myers right behind me. Runs like I'm a track star!

My friend just told me about reverse exorcisms.

In these, the demon tells the priest to get out of the child.

I told my mom, "Do you want to see a magic trick?" She said yes. I said, "You are going to have a hot dog and cream pie together." My mom said, "No, I'm not," but I told my mom, "I'm going to need your assistance." First, I need you to lick and suck on my hot dog that is attached to me, which she did. The next minute my mom has a cream pie over her face. Then I told my mom, "You see, you are going to have a hot dog and cream pie together." Then my mom said, "When you are right, you are right."

My Dad: Son, history always repeats itself.

Me: So you're gonna leave me again?

Evan, this is Mya, and your mom told me you were adopted, so we are done. Bye, don’t talk to me.

What is depressed and gay? Me.

I was at my bank today waiting in a short line. There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady, who was trying to exchange yen for dollars. It was obvious she was a little irritated. She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla of yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?" The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations." The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people too!"

I'm Asian and there is a saying that dogs are man's best friends. They are my best friends because they keep me from starving.

Yeah, she said, "Do you love me?" I said, "Only partly. I love my bed and my mommy. I'm sorry."

I was in an audition for the lead role of movie "Aquaman." The Director told me to dive into a pool. Then outta nowhere Penaldo showed up and made a big dive into the pool. The director was impressed and selected Penaldo for the movie.

Shame on you Penaldo for destroying my dream!

Me walking in to the office:

Principal: Tell me what you did?

Me: I told the special ed kid that the 4th story window was an end portal...

What is Michael Jackson's favorite phrase to parents of boys? "Leave me alone!"

Me: Mom, if Adam and Eve are white, then how were slaves made?

Mom: Well, Eve and the monkey fucked each other.

Me: Oh, okay.

Goes to school.

Teacher: How were humans made?

Me: Eve fucked the monkeys.

Teacher: 😑

Last week, I made a joke about leftists. Now it is time for me to take shots at the right, and then I will move on to centrists. But I just said the same thing twice.

I wondered why the baseball was getting closer...

Then it hit me!

Friend: Did Jesus die a virgin?

Me: Of course not, he got nailed before he died.