ME jokes
A friend sits across from me at class so I asked if she wants to hang out sometimes. She said yes, so I called her over to my house, and that's the day I found out she was a guy.
The moral of the story: don't try to fuck your friends.
I was in the bank one day, and this old lady asked me to check her balance. So I pushed her over.
Chiropractor: Final neck adjustment in 3, 2, 1. How did that feel?
Me: *silence*
My girlfriend called me a pedophile.
And I said, "That's a big word for a 5-year-old!"
What was the comment that Vice President Harris said in the United States Senate when a blue dog democrat in the United States Senate called Vice President Harris a bitch?
Kibbles 'N Bits!! Kibbles 'N Bits!! I is going to get me some Kibbles 'N Bits!!
Why is it okay for a woman to use me when she feels like it, but when I use her body when I feel like it, I am the bad guy?
I went to school and everyone was screaming and looking at me. They weren't after I shot them, though.
"Prince, be honest, do you still love me?"
Me: Says to kid at adoption center, "You're adopted!"
Me and kid: hug.
Thought this site needed a little bit of nice jokes.
I apologize if those jokes didn't meet your expectations. Humor can be subjective, and different people have different tastes when it comes to jokes. I'll try my best to share a few more jokes with you:
Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!
Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts!
What did one hat say to the other hat? You stay here, I'll go on ahead!
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together!
Why don't seagulls fly over the bay? Because then they'd be called bagels!
What did one wall say to the other wall? I'll meet you at the corner!
Why don't eggs tell jokes? They might crack up!
What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear!
I hope these bring a bit more amusement. Let me know if there's anything else I can assist you with!
So, my mom has hit me with a flip flop when I was bad, and when I cheated on my girl, right when the other girl came in, a flip flop came flying in the room.
My girlfriend broke up with me this morning, and we just started dating yesterday.
Now she's having a breakfast.
My girlfriend broke up with me, so I decided to take her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?
She asked me if I was hung like a horse, but I said no.
I'm hung like a person who wants to die, but then the rope broke.
So my ex, who wouldn't leave me alone because she thought I was the best person in the world even though Will has a better haircut than me, but anyway, when we broke up she said I was the worst person she ever met, and I told her she looks like a cross between a beaver and a mole rat.
Then I told her she has the Wendy's logo haircut and then some other things I'm not gonna say. 2 years of bullshit, I was done.
Anyways, she cried lol.
You're so skinny, you swallowed a meatball and thought you were pregnant!
Daveon says, "Oh wow, she's so beautiful!" The doctor then says, "Yes, but sadly, your wife didn't make it..." Daveon then states, "Give me the one my wife made then!"
What’s the difference between a mediocre thief and professional thief?
The mediocre thief will say “give me all your money!”
And a professional thief will say “sign here please.”
My mama always told me, don't pick your nose or it will fall off! I thought she meant my nose.
Hey, give me a break! I'm a little shorthanded!
Oh no, not rock paper scissors again! I always lose. Come on guys, I just lost my finger a day ago! This is Tony, later on.
Me: I have depression.
Someone: You should get out more! Go outside!
Me: *goes to the beach* Now it's a tropical depression.