ME jokes
I harvested indigo to make dye. I made the dye. I made a number dye. I dyed the dye. I rolled the dye. It made me die.
A friend of mine told me this joke a long time ago and I have never forgotten it.
A worm was crawling over a train track, and a train ran over him and cut off his ass. The worm turned around to get the piece of his ass back and another train ran over him and cut off his head.
BAD IDEA and a lesson to us all.
NEVER LOSE YOUR HEAD OVER A PIECE OF ASS!! LMAO (literally, kind of)( pretty sure you get it)
What does your girl do to me? She sucks me off.
Me: Why did the chicken cross the road?
My friend: To get to the other side?
Me: No, to get to the idiot's house.
My friend: Oh.
Me: Knock knock.
My friend: Who's there?
Me: The chicken.
My mom bought me a car, and she called me an ungrateful b*tch because I sat in my wheelchair the whole time.
aiyyaaaaaaa
Me: Stops the quiet kid from getting bullied.
Him: Don't come to school tomorrow, trust me.
Me: "/"
My girlfriend's sister told me to write her a poem. This is what I came up with:
roses are red, violets are blue, if you ever feel alone, I'm always watching you.
My therapist told me time heals all wounds, so I stabbed him. Now we wait.
What did the hamster say to the penis? "Ha, you look just like me!"
Me: “You guys wanna know a cool fact?”
Friend 1: “Yeah.”
Friend 2: “Yea.”
Me: “Japan is RIGHT that way. If we swim all night...we’ll be able to get to Japan.”
Friend 3: “I love anime.”
Friend 1 & 2: “Nononononononononono!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Me: *Laughs at Friend 3*
Me and my friends are going to create a Steps tribute band. We are all in wheelchairs, so we are going to be called "Ramps."
Hi everyone, today I am taking requests for anything you want me to say.
Prince, do you love that girl Gwen more than me? Remember when you were at my house?
A plane is about to crash into the ocean, and the passengers are freaking out.
A woman stands up, takes off her clothes, and says, "Before I go, is there a man man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, takes off his shirt, and says, "Here, iron this!"
My kids [are] so damn bad[.] We took them to Disney in Florida. They paid me not to bring them back ever.
Daddy, I really miss you. Mummy changed my name to Tickle Timpson. Anyway, daddy I forgive you for abusing me.
Two friends fighting.
Friend 3: "Cut it out, you two!"
Friend 4: "It wouldn't help if they cut it out... Believe me... I've tried..."
Me: I'ma sign up to be a clown.
My friend: Why?
Me: Because my life is a joke. 😂
Me: Imagine not having hair.
Kids: On chemo.
Bitch the fuck.
My Countryhumans OC, Sahara, is the daughter of France and Soviet. When people ask why, I tell them it was the gendersnapped version of my parents making me. France (my dad) was drunk and Soviet (my mom) was being horny. Then they judge me, so I judge them with a knife to the chest 47 times.