ME jokes

Trash

    • Boy/girl: I love you.

    Me: I love me too! But sorry, my mom said I can't date trash. Go back to the trashcan.

    The boy/girl: I- *Is depressed*

    Nut

    • Me: Let's go to Randy's.

    Friend: There's no Randy's.

    Me: Ran deez nuts with a car.

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    • Santa

    • My Friend: Why does Santa look like that?

    My 15 Year Old Friend: He has secateurs cancer...

    Me: I heard it's because he comes once a year.

    *Everyone Looks at me*

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    • People

    • Tell me orphan jokes are a really bad joke. People are really orphans, and there is a lot of 'em, and they are all depressed. Who would make fun of depressed people? Well, those dumbass evil people!!

    ME memes

    Boyfriend

    • I was listening to WAP in my car with my four-year-old cousin, and she asked why they don't fix the holes in the house.

    Then my fucking boyfriend, what a hoe, was and pointed to me. I pushed him out of the car, and my other boyfriend took the front seat.

    Depression

    • Me: Hey, Mom? Why do we celebrate birthdays?

    Mom: Because that's the day a new life was born, and people are born every day so every day is a special day.

    My thoughts: And my friend wonders why I have depression...

    Boss

    • When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.

    Orphan

    • What happened when a kid bullied an orphan?

    The orphan said, "I’m going to tell my mom!"

    Bully: "I wanna see your mom!"

    Narrator: At that moment, he knew he messed up.

    This was my friend's joke he wanted me to post;)

    Girl

    • A girl in the shop was getting bullied. She came to me saying, "I’m getting bullied." I told her, "Stand up for herself."

    Guitar

    • I'm taking a guitar lesson at school. My band instructor told me he was going to hit me with my guitar. I asked him if that was a "fret."

    Eye

    • Me: Mom, I think I need to go to the hospital.

    Mom: OMG, why son?

    Me: I don't know what's wrong, but every time I close my eyes, I can see.

    Think about it, then spread LMAO.

    Butter

    • Two sticks of butter walk into a butter bar. One says to the other, "Aren't you going to introduce me to your friends?" He replies, "Sure, dis my butter from another utter."

    Eye Doctor

    • I went to the eye doctor and I couldn't read. They showed me a picture of a birthday cake and I thought it was a menorah!

    Friend

    • Friend, you so faaaat.

    Me: Boy, at least I'm not built like a Nintendo Switch.

    Mom

    • I went home one day. My mom said, "Look what a few guys got me." It was a MILF trophy.

    My mom asked what does that mean. So I said, "Mom's I'd Like To Fuck." Then my mom said, "These guys want to fuck me?" I said, "Yeah." Then my mom said, "I still got it!"