ME jokes
I'm like a rubber because people hit me as I can't feel.
What did the 90s rocker Space Engineer in multiplayer Miner yell at the Troll stealing his stuff?
"Hey! give me my Nickelback!"
I always loved going to Bill Cosby's house; he always greeted me when I woke up with "Rapey-rapey, eggs and bakey."
Evan, me and your mom are done with you.
"Send me back, I never liked you."
I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger, then it hit me.
My dad left me.
People: Stop joking about such serious issues!
Me: Kill yourself.
I met this kid and he was being bullied by 9 people. I Asked 1 whats going on. They all said another one to bully they all tried hitting me and then my mates which was like 15 of them came in and it was like war all over again.
(This isn't really a joke btw anyway.) SpongeBob, me boy, ye ruptured me intestines with that massive c*ck of yours, agahgahagahagahagah!
My wife called me ugly, and then when she found out how much money I actually make, she called me ugly and broke.
Wife: I think these pants are getting too small for me!
Husband: Don't worry, maybe you are just bad at laundry.
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Bagel."
"Bagel who?"
"Toast, it's me, your arch-nemesis, Bagel, here to make up! Bye!"
Me in my dream: What a good day! *rumble* Ooh! What was that?
I wake up and I find myself on the floor.
I was at a football match, and the ball was getting closer. Then it hit me. *face palm*
My sister asked where is my book.... me: "itti badi nak hai gufa jaisi dhund us mei."
The Flanders Song
God said to Noah, "There’s gonna be a floody-floody."
Rain came down, it started to get muddy-muddy.
Get these animals👏out of the arky-arky."
"Leave me alone!"
So I walked into my bathroom to clean some stuff, and no one ever told me you can't put phones in the bathtub!
We say “Father, I have sinned,” because it would be weird if we said, “Daddy, I have sinned,” right?
“Forgive me, Daddy, for my transgressions!” We say the “Our Father,” not the “Our Daddy.”
It took me years to figure out the Oreos served in Lunchables are knock offs. On the cover it says “Chocolate Crème Cookies.” I’ve believed this lie for as long as I can remember. Unless they were real back then? I don’t even know at this point. They sure as hell aren’t real now!