ME jokes

Me: How do you say yes in Spanish? You: Si. Me: Si if these nuts fit in your mouth.

What is a four-legged animal called that can fly?

A donkey flying in the sky running away from me.

What's the difference between me and a depressed kid? At least I'm out of the grave.

Daughter: Hey Dad, can I use your car?

Dad: Sure, but first you have to give me a blow job."

Daughter: Okay, (proceeds to service dad). Dad, ewww, your dick tastes like shite!"

Dad: Oh, that's right, I lent your brother the car.

Luke asks his friend, "How old is your father?"

James replied, "He's as old as me."

Luke then said, "It doesn't make any sense."

James then said, "He became my father when I was born."

You abuse me that I have no beards, but your sugar daddy shaved them off to look cute. 🤔

Why did you and Sarah break up?

'Cause she cheetahed on me.

Sorry for this Pick Up Line.

Are you a building? Because I rate you 9/11, so let me put my plane in and let kids fall out.

Armless guy: Even though I don’t have arms, I can do anything you normal people can do.

Me: 🎵If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands! 🎶

Roses are red,

I am dead.

You could call me wet, or I will keep your dread.

Me: Hey God, are you there? It's me, Michael.

God: *SILENCE*

Me: If any gods exist, they better say or do something this instant!

God: *SILENCE*

Whenever someone calls me ugly, I get super sad and hug them, because I know how tough life is for the visually impaired.

Me: Ice woman diary: a witch's tin key.

Other: What? You said, "I swim in diarrhea, which is stinky?"

I felt bad for a dog, and I looked to my left, and there was an orphan, and I said I will make you a website, and I said there won't be a homepage.

A teacher wanted to sing, so she did. This is what she said:

"You have no family, even though you're broker than me."

I met a talking lizard. The doctor told me he had ereptile dysfunction! 🦎

Person: You can't kill an orphan!

Me: What are they going to do, go tell their parents?

One day, I was just chillin', being a tower. I saw a plane, but it was slowly growing.

Then it hit me.

What is the difference between me and the Twin Towers?

My mom was only airplane feeding me a spoon.

Guy: Hey, Siri, I failed my final exams, can you cheer me up?

Siri: What’s the difference between you and your grandma? Your grandma passed!