ME jokes

I wanted to hire a butler for my new mansion in downtown LA. As he arrived, he introduced himself and I discovered it was Ghostionel Pessi.

I asked him why is he working as a butler? He told me that “a big game is coming up so he needs to refine his bottleling skills.” DAMN PESSI!

I want to die at a party. This is because nobody can be sad over me.

Ex-bf's gf: You're so ugly as hell.

Me: Oh, did I mention that I was trying to be you?

"Butter, butter, and butter, please, please bring me butter."

I was at a milk store and ordered some milk.

They brought it over but spilled it on me.

I said that was a udder failure!

"Hay, can you help me to her on..." No, that is gross. I meant my car.

Did you hear about the elephant with no nose?! Me neither.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Golly.

Golly who?

Godly leave me alone!

My friend told me she had a good joke and it beat all mine. I said, "Haha, that is funny!"

I heard my neighbors having sex, and it was annoying me, so I called my girlfriend to ask if she wanted to go out, but when I called her, I heard my neighbors' phone ringing.

I told my Mum, "Will you remember me in 6 minutes, 6 hours, 6 years?"

She said, "Yes."

"Knock knock."

I said, "My mum, who's there? You didn’t remember me!"

Let me tell you a joke about pizza!

Never mind...

It's too cheesy.

My step-dad works at a lumberjack company and he took me to work. I went climbing trees later that day and now I'm in the hospital.

My girlfriend said to me, "Dear, I think you have hit an animal, there's blood and dents all over the bonnet."

I said, "No, love, I'm not waiting for a Black Lives Matter rally."

jokes got me like : 😂 Face with Tears of Joy Emoji - Emojipedia https://emojipedia.org › face-with-tears-of-joy A yellow face with a big grin, uplifted eyebrows, and smiling eyes, each shedding a tear from laughing so hard. Widely used to show something is funny or...

"Balls" got me like: 😂

A salamander came by me the other day and he AXOLOTL questions. Ba dum tss!!!

So a lady came up to me today at the bank, and she asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

I hope death is a woman. That way, she'll never come for me.

Why did my dad leave me and my mum?

I told him it wasn't big enough and then ran off saying, "Daddy, yeeeees!"