ME jokes

"That driving backwards, it creeping me out, you're gonna wreck or something." - Lightning McQueen.

Because that is what could have saved Titanic, and it wrecked.

I felt bad for a dog, and I looked to my left, and there was an orphan, and I said I will make you a website, and I said there won't be a homepage.

Person: "How many people have you had intercourse with?"

Me: "Nun."

Bully: Shut up, motherfucker!

Me: Well, stop talking to me and I won't have to keep fucking your mother.

I hate it when I go to the shop and people are like, "Oh, hey what are you doing here?"

Me: "Oh, you know, just hunting elephants."

I gave Helen Keller an Oculus and AirPods for her 12th birthday, and she hated them and me.

Boss: Have a good day.

Me: *goes home*

I met a talking lizard. The doctor told me he had ereptile dysfunction! 🦎

What is an orphan's favorite Roblox game?

"Adopt Me."

Person: You can't kill an orphan!

Me: What are they going to do, go tell their parents?

Is it just me, or do these gays need to leave me alone?

Are you a gravestone?

Because I really wish you were on top of me right now!

About a month ago, I was at my best friend’s funeral and I told him, "Bitches always come and go." He looked at me kinda mad, kinda confused, and said, "That’s my mom, dude."

My girlfriend who is a Jehovah's Witness had sex with me so hard, she turned to Christianity.

A fat homeless person begged me for food, so I said, "I can see your dinner. You had plenty!"

I'd insult BlessedBrian, but it seems NATURE beat me to it.

What did the beat say to the rapper?

"You've got me DROPPING like it's HOT!"

Teacher: *Reads mythological story about a cyclops*

Me: Does he have one eye cause he's from an incestual family in Alabama?

I was at a milk store and ordered some milk.

They brought it over but spilled it on me.

I said that was a udder failure!

Did you hear about the elephant with no nose?! Me neither.