ME jokes
When the phone is ringing, Dad says, "If it's for me, don't answer it."
I did not want to join sailing, but my friend roped me into it.
I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
What did the Emo say to the surgeon? "Cut me, please!"
What’s the difference between me and cancer?
My dad didn’t beat cancer.
A man is telling his story to someone. "My friends always said that they would kill me if I wore Gucci or Supreme. On April 1st, I wore both and conversed with them."
"Interesting."
"That's the story of how I got to the morgue," he says to The Gatekeeper of Heaven.
What did the skeleton say to Shrek?
"Jump on me. I can have two layers of skin too."
One day an old woman came into the bank and asked me to check her balance... So, I pushed her over.
What's the difference between a chicken and me? None, they both don't watch right and left before crossing the road.
What does Christian say when he wants out of jail?
"Bale me out!"
Spanish is difficult. When my mom gives me food, she says "toma," and that's drink in English, so I always drink my food.
Chris started to tell me a joke about a nut, but he couldn't finish it.
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Boo." "Boo who?" "Don't cry in front of me, or else I'll cry!"
Your classmate: You're so ugly.
Me: That's what your mom said when she had you and called you a mistake.
Kalyn: Mrs. Frizzle,
Mrs. Frizzle: Sure.
Kalyn: Can you spell I-C-U-P for me?
Mrs. Frizzle: Shut up, you little fucktard!
My wife accused me of cheating. I told her she started to sound like my wife.
What’s the difference between a girlfriend and a train? The train will touch me.
My girl got mad at me last night for saying to my mom that she had a dildo ready at all times and is always hard, so my mom wanted to see. So I whipped out my penis and my mom said it’s bigger than your dad’s!
Evan, this is Mya, and your mom told me you were adopted, so we are done. Bye, don’t talk to me.
I wondered why the pitcher hadn’t pitched the ball yet.
Then it hit me.