ME jokes

My mom asked, "Why are you so depressed? It could be worse. You could be Tracy Latimer."

I replied, "I wish I were Tracy Latimer because then someone would kill me."

I’m light as a feather, yet the strongest person can’t hold me for five minutes. What am I?

One day I went to my friend's apartment, and he told me to make myself at home.

I threw him out of the window. I hate having visitors!

An Aboriginal Australian told me that I was on his farmland.

So I told him he was on my cock.

(I'm Australian btw, respect to my American bros🇺🇸)

What's up, bitches? Miss me?

My cousin’s friend spelled “racist” wrong and when my cousin showed me, the first thing I said to my cousin’s friend is “Go to Grammarly. They REALLY teach you spelling.”

What did the toaster say to the piece of bread? "I want you inside me."

What is an orphan's favorite Roblox game?

Adopt Me.

Me and my girlfriend broke up, and I stole her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?

My Dad: Son, history always repeats itself.

Me: So you're gonna leave me again?

My mate caught me sniffing his disabled sister's knickers the other day. It wouldn't have been so bad, but she was wearing them at the time. It made the rest of the funeral so awkward.

Talk to me if you're online.

Man: Okay, tell me a joke without the expense of anyone's feelings.

Me: Okay, so an Asian...

Hey any riding with Biden fans out there?

I ran out of gas and could really use a ride so if one of ya'll can call me and pick me up that'd be great and I can't get gas because I only have 20 bucks which is like 1-5 and a half, help me please.

Hey guys, so we have a friend group and we need followers and people! So far it's me and Royal. If you want to join just comment why and you're in unless people have reasons to not want you!

A customer came to me and asked for condoms for tiny dicks.

Girlfriend: Babe, what do you think of our love?

Me: Look at the stars in the sky.

Girlfriend: Aww... it’s infinity, right?

Me: No, it’s a waste of time.

Girlfriend: I’m breaking up with you.

Me: Whatever, when I take out the trash, I think of you.

What do you name a family reunion of an orphan?

"Me time."

I took the trash to the recycling bin, and two days later, my mom asked me, "Where's your sister?" I said, "In the recycling line to be turned into a bottle."

Would you rather date me or a lady?

I laid deez nuts in your mouth.