ME jokes
I did not want to join sailing, but my friend roped me into it.
One day I went to my friend's apartment, and he told me to make myself at home.
I threw him out of the window. I hate having visitors!
Bully: Shut up.
Me: I don't shut up, I grow up, and when I look at you, I throw up.
My sister is so ugly that she had to have a child with me to keep the family tree going.
Others, tearfully: Stop shipping real people!!
Me, packing an old lady in a FedEx box: Nope!
Memes
Pete the panther was racing a cheetah but lost. The cheetah said, "You can’t beat me, I’m a cheetah." Pete said, "Yeah, you are a cheetah cheetah."
I’m light as a feather, yet the strongest person can’t hold me for five minutes. What am I?
Roses are red, violets are blue, You make me pee like I drink tea, you make me go buzz, like becoming a fuzz.
It sticks in, but it goes to the bin, after its use, it will be reused, no it is not what your thinking its -~-(clay)-~-
Me: Spanish teacher, why do we need to learn Spanish?
Teacher: Because you might go to Mexico and start a job.
Me: Why would I want to sell drugs?
What did the toaster say to the piece of bread? "I want you inside me."
Talk to me if you're online.
What did the Emo say to the surgeon? "Cut me, please!"
I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
Somebody give me a peanut. I just ate an EpiPen.
My grandfather told me I’m too reliant on technology, so I unplugged his life support and called him a hypocrite. I doubt he ever said that to anyone ever again.
Me, smashes mouse after losing a match; everybody at the pet race: :O
To Gwen and Freshfry: Hi Gwen and Freshfry, you have been so amazing to me and now to my sister. You are the people who I look up to. People are mean to us because I am adopted. Thank you for all of your support!
Me: *Calls friend* "Dude, I just fell off a 50-foot ladder!"
Friend: "Bro, you ok?!"
Me: "Yeah, lucky I only fell off the first step!"
Attention, everyone: I will be leaving this website. Thank you everybody who has been nice to me. Maybe I’ll come back in the future, but for now: Goodbye.
Guys, if you saw a post from someone pretending to be me, don't listen to them.
I'm just going to be out for 3 days, or maybe for a month break. There are a lot of fakers.