ME jokes

I don’t like to make jokes around dwarfs.

Simply because they look up to me.

Why did my dad leave me?

Because I was gay.

One day I was just sitting around when my butthole began to grow larger. It grew and grew and began to engulf the other parts of my body until it swallowed them all. Now I am just a big butthole typing this. Please help me!

B: Can you please stop roasting me?

A: At least the "roasting" that I did to you didn't burn you to death.

Me: Kills the boss and takes his loot.

Everyone else in the office: 😱

What's an orphan's favorite Roblox game?

Adopt Me!

My girlfriend just broke up with me for talking about video games too much. What a stupid thing to Fallout 4.

Three men walk into heaven at the same time. They all live in the same city. God asks the first man, "How did you die?" The man says, "I have a heart condition, and I've been suspecting my wife of cheating for some time. Anyway, I get home from work and I see my wife on the bed and a man hanging off the balcony. I get so mad and stomp on the guy's fingers! He falls into a bush, so I throw a refrigerator on him." God asks the next man, "How did you die?" The man says, "I was cleaning the windows, and then this crazy man starts stomping on my fingers! Luckily, I fall safely in a bush! But then a refrigerator falls on me!" God asks the third man, and he says, "I was the one in the fridge!"

Me: The light wow brighter than my future.

Me: Hey, do you want to meet my grandma?

Friend: Yeah, sure.

Me: *pulls out gun*

I was trying to tell some people here to stop, but then I found out that the S was covered in blood from me assaulting someone.

Me: The last time I used Duolingo was when the dinosaurs went extinct.

Duolingo: Lemme send my twins 2 go 2 ur houze (I got sideways8 twins)

Knock knock, who's there? God.

God who? NO, you idiot, there is no God. I am your father and you have locked me out of my own house!

My grandpa said I was too reliant on technology when he saw me on my phone. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

What did the mad penis say to the vagina? “Don’t make me come in there!”

So, my parents were telling me about this dark joke they made 17 years ago, but they didn’t actually tell me the joke... I was the joke. 😭😭😭😔😔😔😒😒😒

My sister bet me $100 that it was impossible for me to build a working car out of spaghetti.

You should have seen her face as I drove pasta!

Sometimes when I think I'm ugly, I just think of my sister and it makes me feel better.

My girlfriend asked me to hand her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.

My boyfriend accused me of cheating. I told him he reminded me of my girlfriend.