ME jokes
Jesus saved me from eternal fate, but I didn't want to get saved. I was about to fight Satan on Final Destination before facing and kicking God's ass.
Once when I was 6, I had a massive crush on a girl in my grade. She liked me too, and we kissed under a tree.
Next day, same spot, but now she's pregnant. That stupid dad stole my girl!
My Friend Evan: What happens if the voice inside your head is your soulmate?
Me: Then my soulmate is a F_cking A__hole.
I hate people that hate life.
Me at the same time: Is cutting self at night.
*hides scars* *acts like I'm fine* hehe
Sometimes when I think I'm ugly, I just think of my sister and it makes me feel better.
Who wants me to bring back the daily School Shooter Jokes?
Roses are red, violets are blue, like my hole, Uncle Bill is making me full, better run here he comes!
Me: What did the twin say to the other twin?
Friend: I don't know.
Me: I'll fall with you.
Hey, how ya doin'?
Well I'm doin' just fine, I lied, I'm DEAD inside.
Don't tell me "it's gonna be alright," I've tried, but I can't fight like this.
Hey how ya doin', I'm tired but I'm trying to fight.
Johnny, Johnny?
Yes, Papa?
Do you love me?
No, Papa.
#### you!
What is brown and sticky?
What is white and gooey?
What is long and hard?
(Tell me in the comments)
Riddle: I can fill a room, others can have me, but I can't be shared. What am I?
Answer: Loneliness.
My wife accused me of being immature, so I kicked her out of my "boys fort."
Comment on this if you are somewhat like me: depressed, single, gay, and act like you're not burning inside.
Kid: My parents want to meet you, you wanna come over?
Orphan: Na, I'm good. I'm going to watch Home Alone. It's the only movie that I can think of that's related to me.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Die.
Die who?
Me, I want to die.
When the teacher dismissed the class to go home,
The orphan asked, "Where do I go?"
The teacher replied, "Home."
The orphan said, "Catch me on the streets then!"
BFF: Dude, come over to my house right now!
Me: What? No way, it's 2:58 AM.
BFF: But I just found my brother's secret stash of Oreos!
Me: I'll be over in 5 minutes.
Me and my friend's life story on a daily basis.
My dumb ass thinking I made a friend, oh ya, I forgot, literally nobody likes me!