ME jokes

Life Support

    • My grandpa said, "You kids rely on too much electronics." I said, well we will see about that. *unplugging life support* me: *oops*

    Bee

    • According to all known laws of aviation,

    there is no way a bee should be able to fly.

    Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground.

    The bee, of course, flies anyway

    because bees don't care what humans think is impossible.

    Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black.

    Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little.

    Barry! Breakfast is ready!

    Coming!

    Hang on a second.

    Hello?

    - Barry? - Adam?

    - Can you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up.

    Looking sharp.

    Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those.

    Sorry. I'm excited.

    Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son.

    A perfect report card, all B's.

    Very proud.

    Ma! I got a thing going here.

    - You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That's me!

    - Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye!

    Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house!

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    • Split

    • I asked the gym instructor,

    "Can you teach me to do the splits?"

    "How flexible are you?" he asked.

    "Well, I can't make it on Fridays."

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    • Emo kid

    • Emo kids counting be like: 1, 2, 3 come hang with me! 4, 5, 6 Gonna get new slits! 7, 8, 9 Suicide! 10, 11, 12 Bring some pills!

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    • ME memes

    Punch

    • I went up to the deaf kid and said, "I’m going to punch you in 3, 2, 1." And he ended up with a broken nose, and I said, "You should have listened to me!"

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    • Pedophile

    • I just saw people writing "Zoophile," "Ailurophile," and "Dendrophilia" in their bios. I thought this was cool, but when I wrote "Necrophile" and "Pedophile," I don't know why people started hating me as if I did something wrong. I was just trying to be cool like them, man.

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    • Pokemon

    • POKEMON THEME SONG JOKE: I wanna be the berry best, like no one ever was.

    To bitch them is my real pest, to brain them in my toss. I will gravel across the land, perching war and wide. Fuse Pokemon to under-strand, the lower that's in psyche.

    Poke him on! Gotta joke them all it's Fru and me, All I know is my dress tiny, Poke him on! Yeah, you're my pest friend, In a world you must de-blend, Poke him on!

    Gotta joke them all my shirts so true, My outrage will flush us through. You bitch me and I ditch you, P-O-K-E-M-O-N!!!

    Gotta joke them all, Gotta joke them all!

    Poke him on!

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    • Headphone

    • A man was kneeling on the church floor, crying desperately in front of the large wooden statue of Christ.

    "My headphones are broken, Lord... I'm desperate... What should I do? Guide me!"

    And the Lord appeared in the form of bright light, and the strong, deep voice filled the man's soul.

    "WELL BUY NEW ONES, YOU DUMBASS!"

    And so he did.

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    • Misfortune

    • When I try to eat, but I hurt my feet. When I using a hoe, but I hurt my toe. When I going to a doctor, but then I get trolled. Oh I just, want to say, what the flip?!!

    When I using a copper, but I enveloped by a hopper. When I trying to draw someone, but it ended up with a punishment. When I spit on a bunny, it jumps right on me. Oh I just, want to say, what the flip?!!

    When I growing older, someone called me a slacker. When I was 33, I bumped into a tree. When I getting angry, people calls me crazy lady. Oh I just, want to say, what the flip?!!

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    • Assumption

    • Person 1: “You assume I’m gay because I have rainbow hair, I’m wearing a rainbow shirt, and I have a rainbow pride flag behind me?”

    Person 2: “You assume I’m disabled because I have deformed arms and limbs, no legs, and I ride around in a wheelchair?”

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