ME jokes

I ran into a dwarf, and he said, “Well, I’m not happy.”

Me: Then which one are you?

One day, Jim saw a kid sitting on the curb dressed in rags. He asked if he was an orphan.

The kid said, “Yeah, what gave me away?”

Jim said, “I don’t see any parents.”

In 2001, my parents took me to 9/11. I was soaring towards it with excitement!

Riddle me this, Batman, what's long, round, and has cum in the middle?

Batman: A dick.

Riddler: NO NO NOOO! It's a cucumber!

Me walking in to the office:

Principal: Tell me what you did?

Me: I told the special ed kid that the 4th story window was an end portal...

Me and my girlfriend were walking in the woods.

Her: I am scared!

Me: What do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone.

All these people on here making me wish I knew them IRL.

NASA called me and they said they reached your hairline.

What was the comment that Vice President Harris said in the United States Senate when a blue dog democrat in the United States Senate called Vice President Harris a bitch?

Kibbles 'N Bits!! Kibbles 'N Bits!! I is going to get me some Kibbles 'N Bits!!

I used to date this girl only to find out she's a guy.

I guess you can say she had me in a trans.

Don’t have a bike? You can mount me instead.

My hotel tried to charge me ten dollars extra for air conditioning. That wasn’t cool.

My girlfriend really wants me to get her pregnant so she would have a father figure in her life for once.

I'm Asian and there is a saying that dogs are man's best friends. They are my best friends because they keep me from starving.

My girlfriend's sister told me to write her a poem. This is what I came up with:

roses are red, violets are blue, if you ever feel alone, I'm always watching you.

My girlfriend went to Tokyo, and she died in the tsunami.

Since I was sad, my friend told me, "Don't worry, there's plenty more in the ocean."

I wish death was in the form of a woman.

That way, it would never come for me.

Me explaining my child: when your mom is sitting on a table during her period, it's called the periodic table.

What did John Cena say to the blind kid? "You can't see me."

Enough with the Hitler jokes. They make me Fuhrer-ious!