ME jokes
Q: What did the kid say to the emo kid?
A: Don't leave me hanging!
I visited my new friend in his apartment. He told me to make myself at home.
So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.
I am in trouble. My mum asked me to get six cans of Sprite.
But I got seven Up.
Are you happy to see me, or is that a bomb strapped to your chest and a detonator in your hand?
My Mum texted me she had lost her phone.
Memes
Me and my friends are going to create a Steps tribute band. We are all in wheelchairs, so we are going to be called "Ramps."
I harvested indigo to make dye. I made the dye. I made a number dye. I dyed the dye. I rolled the dye. It made me die.
Why does Lincoln like Ronnie Anne?
She is the only one that calls me "lamo."
I told my husband he should embrace his mistakes.
He hugged me!
Popular guy in class: I am so funny.
Me: Your parents are funny as they made a joke and people are still laughing at it.
So, as a school shooter, I try to remember my ABC's. A, B, C, D, E, F, GUN!
And I basically stop at G, since no students ever speak to me about the rest.
B: Can you please stop roasting me?
A: At least the "roasting" that I did to you didn't burn you to death.
I forgot what a boomerang was. Oh well, it’ll come back to me.
My wife and I have made a difficult choice and have decided we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details, and we can drop them off tomorrow.
My wife asked me to connect more on my feminine side. So I crashed our car and fucked my trainer.
Science teacher: How many times can the earth fit into the sun?
Me: As many times as the earth can fit into you.
Me as a 5-year-old: How do you relate to the Twin Towers?
Friend: What?
Me: Every time I think of them, I feel sad.
Pass me the sugar, Sugar!
Pass me the honey, Honey!
Pass me the teabag!
Went swimming today and peed in the deep end. The lifeguard saw me and blew his whistle so loud I almost fell in.
My wife complained about me being childish. So I told her to get out of my fort.