ME jokes

If I die, does my depression die with me?

What is a joke that will never end even though you want it to?

For me, life.

Me: Yo mama so fat her alphabet starts with O.

My friend: What's that supposed to mean?

Me: O B C D.

What is depressing, alone, chronic, and messed up? Me.

I made a website for orphans.

Silly me, I forgot the home page.

My wife (or husband) told me to get six cans of Sprite from the grocery store.

I had just realized when I got home that I had picked up 7-Up.

I wonder if any of these people are still alive.

Anyways,

When I arrived at the pearly gates when I died, the guardian asked me how I died. I told him I was just hanging around.

When people tell me to "go to hell," I tell them their address.

My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair. She came crawling back!

People always tell me to say no to drugs, but if I'm talking to drugs, I probably said yes.

When someone calls me ugly, I get sad and hug them.

I know life can be difficult for those with weak vision.

Today my biology teacher asked me what's commonly found in a cell......... And apparently "black people" isn't the right answer.

“My Mum told me the best time to ask my Dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I’d ever been given.

I burst in through the bedroom door saying, ‘Can I have a new bike?’ He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike.”

You telling me Julius Caesar, who has been dead for well over 50 years, made this salad?

It took me 9.11 seconds to realize.

My teacher got so mad at me for making 9/11 jokes, she hit me twice and I said, "Damn, got hit twice!"

Stephen was a mad role model. He never taught me to stand up for myself.

Dude, if there is a watermelon, shouldn't there be an earthmelon, airmelon, and a firemelon? The elemelons.

I love when I could run through the grass and feel the wind on my face.

Then my mom told me to get off VR, and then I wheeled myself to her.

My dad is really angry at me for kicking the balls. He's the one that told me always aim for them. Is that why I don't have a brother?