ME jokes
What's the difference between me and a rapist?
He forced her, while I convinced her with a candy.
She was just 7 years old.
I met a baseball player, so I told him to make a home run, and he just looked at me with sadness. I don't know why.
By the way, he was an orphan.
Hey guys, I just wanna say what happened to Kanye; he is one of my favorite rappers, and he’s going through a hard time. I don’t see why people can’t just spread love and kindness like me💕
I think that Kanye was right to say what he said. I completely support him, and I don’t understand why people hate on him for using his 1st amendment, and Yeezy should be sued for it.
Quote of the day: Love bests hate as for hate is the killer of friendships - Collin Kaepernick
When I have a staring contest, I always win.
Every day, I see blind people who hate me.
"Knock, knock."
"Who's there?"
"Mary."
"Mary who?"
"Marry me!"
My ex-wife misses me, but her aim is getting better.
Teacher: "What do you think is your purpose in our society?"
Me: "To reduce the population by one."
Dentist: Open up, sir.
Me: So... I hate my life, my family, my sisters, my dog, my cat, and I tried to take a bath with my toaster, but my dog took it. That's why I hate my dog. And my cat died trying to chew my rope; it choked... Yea.
Dentist: I... meant your mouth... so I can clean your teeth.
Me: :O Ohhhh, my bad.
Dentist: Do you need help??
Me: Yep.
Dentist: ...
Me: ....
Somebody told me to cheer up so.... I told him to pass me a rope :)
When you push your grandma out of her wheelchair and steal it.
“They see me rollin’, they hatin’.”
Couldn't be me being an orphan.
My gay ass: I want to find Jesus.
Religious mom: FINALLY!
Me: Grabs a noose.
"I miss you.
Being happy was never that hard without you..."
Someone's dad: You think he/she wants to join me? I didn't get the milk...
Hey, Reaper!!! Where are you going?
"I finished my job."
What about me?
Mom asks, "Why are you are THIS show??? It's DISTRACTING you from SCHOOL!!!!!"
The child says, "Don't you mean SCHOOL is distracting ME from this AWESOME show?"
Mom whispers, "Oh, you DEAD."
My cousin’s friend spelled “racist” wrong and when my cousin showed me, the first thing I said to my cousin’s friend is “Go to Grammarly. They REALLY teach you spelling.”
Enough with the Nazi jokes.
They make me führeious!
What's long, hard, and full of semen?
Answer: Me.
Two boys were at a lake, and they went to a bush and saw a naked lady.
One ran away, the other one followed the one who ran and asked why he ran. The boy answered, "My mum told me if I saw a naked lady I would turn to stone. I ran away because I felt something get hard."
A kid told me to go get a dad, so I punched the kid. He went to tell his parents. Oh wait, he can't, 'cause he's an orphan, and orphans have no parents.