ME jokes
Me going to jail for telling the orphan he has 363 days because mothers and Father’s Day.
Today I got a lecture from my mother, and congratulated her. Why?
Because she managed not to damage me in a physical fashion.
Do you want to know what gifts God gave me?
He didn't give me any.
I was made by the Devil.
My dick was in the book of world records.
But then the librarian asked me to take it out.
What's the difference between me and a registered sex offender?
I am not registered.
Friend: Hi!
Me: Who are you?
Friend: ...your friend?
Me: What are you talking about? The doctor already said I couldn’t have any.
Nobody: Aww, that's so sad!
Me: Just like me.
A guy is on trial for leading a mob to gang rape a woman he'd taken out for a date. His defense is that he was helping her live out a fantasy.
The DA is furious and asks him WTF gave him that idea. He said, "After the date I took her back to her house, pulled out my dick, and tried to hand it to her. She told me, 'You've gotta be fucking kidding me. Seriously, go get some help!'"
I gave Helen Keller an Oculus and AirPods for her 12th birthday, and she hated them and me.
My crush rejected me 2 years ago, and I still have never moved on. I'll be over her when a train is over me.
My mom gives me your stuff because you have bad grades.
Me: How about my 5 little brothers? I have A's; he has F's.
She lets him play anyway and I don't.
When my bro says "YOUR MOM" when I'm talking when I'm at school, and my friend says "YOUR MOM," me punches him;-;
Me after I watch a brother and sister do it: "Me, sister, let's do it";-;
After I see an anime boy acting cool,
Me at school acting cool:
My brothers: "He's just acting cool."
Me: I'm gonna kill u 0.0
My mom and dad: KIDS COME DOWNSTAIRS TO EAT! Me: What's for dinner? Mom and Dad: Food.
The next day KIDS COME DOWNSTAIRS FOR FOOD! My brother and sister: What's for dinner? Me: Food ;-;
My mom calls me.
Me: WHAT MOM?
No answer.
Me: WHAT?
Sister: You're so stupid.
Me: Calling me stupid doesn't make you any smarter!
The fact that I am high won't stop me from advising you.
Don't plug your phone while charging it; it is very dangerous.
Pornhub suggesting me MILF on Mother's Day...
I hate it when I go to the shop and people are like, "Oh, hey what are you doing here?"
Me: "Oh, you know, just hunting elephants."