ME jokes

Person: You can't kill an orphan!

Me: What are they going to do, go tell their parents?

what's flat and great for cutting? me.

I went up to the deaf kid and said, "I’m going to punch you in 3, 2, 1." And he ended up with a broken nose, and I said, "You should have listened to me!"

I confessed to my crush in preschool. Unfortunately, she rejected me. I just carried on and got right back to teaching.

What is an orphan's favorite Roblox game?

"Adopt Me."

"Hola soy Dora, do you see Donald Trump? That’s right, he’s at my house, and he’s building a wall to separate me and Caillou. And Mami won’t let him, so she was walled alive!"

I thought of you today, and it reminded me to take out the trash.

This man has been through all kinda shit in his life. So one day, he finally looks at himself in the mirror and says, "If another person looks at me again, I'm going to kill myself." He looks at himself and no one ever heard from him again.

Me: Hi Jacob!

Jacob: Hi.

Me: Your parents went to jail for littering when you were born!

Jacob: GOO GOO GAH GAH

Tell the person next to you to spell "me." When they do, say, "You forgot the D." They should respond with, "There is no D in ME." You say, "Not yet." If this does not go as planned, well, then you are fucked for life.

me: calls suicide hotline. hotline lady: suicide hotline, how are you doing today? me: not much, just hanging.

Wife, I look fat, can you compliment me?

Blind husband says, "You have perfect eyesight!"

Follow me.

I met a talking lizard. The doctor told me he had ereptile dysfunction! 🦎

Guy: Do you know how to draw woman's rights?

Girl: No, how?

Guy: All you need is a blank paper and reality.

Dumb person: Wat idk mean?

Person 1: I don’t know.

Dumb one: Oh u don’t know okie I ask Googol.

Person 1: Wait idk means--

Dumb one (to Googol): WAT DOS IDK MANNN?

Googol: I don’t know.

Dumb one: OH ME GOOOD EVEN GOGLO DOESYN KNOWWW

The other day my wife told me to pass her her lipstick, but I accidently passed her a glue stick... she still isn't talking to me.

Boss: Have a good day.

Me: *goes home*

Me: I found a group of furries in the woods.

Voice in back: Well, it looks like we're going huntin'.

Somebody: Do you even eat and get sleep?

Me: I have depression, what do you think?!