ME jokes
See, this is the best thing about no such thing as vampires because I'd be the first person to say drinks are on me.
It was an important knockout game for Al Nassr. I came to Riyad to see my idol Cristiano Ronaldo play. It was my dream for a long time. I took a cab to the stadium, but the driver dropped me off at a haunted house instead.
As soon as I entered the house, I saw a ghost, but the very next moment I realized it's my idolo Ronaldo. Thank you Ronaldo for meeting me!
I'm upset, but when I saw you, you never let me down.
Hey guys! Just a reminder that the guy below me is a crying bitch! Have a good day!
Why the fuck is this guy calling me a crying bitch?
Hey, guys! Just a quick reminder to spread kindness today and treat others how you want to be treated!
Rate your day on a scale of 1-10 in the comments below. Mine was about a 7. Also, can you guys please comment [on] what you guys want me to cover in these little messages? Sometimes it's hard to tell if you guys like that I'm doing this kind of stuff or not.
Holy cow!
A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, “Have you heard about the mad cow disease that’s going around?”
“Yeah,” the other cow says. “Makes me glad I’m a penguin.”
Your sister: You're so ugly.
Me: But we look the same, so who's also ugly?
My girlfriend broke up with me, so I stole her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?
If you don't have big Nyash,
Lower your voice while talking to me, you Mau Mau warrior. 😂😂😂
I was walking down the street and saw a kid and I said, "Are you an orphan?"
He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?"
I said, "Your parents at first."
My sis told me that onions are the only food that can make you cry...
So I threw a coconut at her.
My mom told me that Africans don't have food, so I shipped my fat-ass brother.
I have a lot of money, but I don't waste it.
So people call me poor until they see my bank account.
My son caught me masturbating. He asked me, "What are you doing?" and I said, "Don't worry, son, you'll be doing it soon." He asks, "Why is that?" and I said, "My arm's getting tired."
My girlfriend just broke up with me because I held a door for another girl. She said I was cheating, but the girl I helped was in a wheelchair.
Me when my girlfriend comes home, I check her phone and there are 100 texts from a different guy asking her out, and her text says yes.
Get the whip, you're out!
You hear that? That’s the sound of me not caring.
One day my dog died because we couldn't find him. Then we got a cat on the same day. Then my cat went missing, and when I was crying, we heard our Asian neighbor was having a party. Then we went over and I saw my dog and cat on the grill, and they ate them in front of me, saying "yum yum doggy in my tummy and cat in my tummy as well."
How many people fit in a tree?
I don't know, you tell me.