Many jokes
Did you hear about the dead artist?
Too many strokes.
Why can't you tell a joke in a corn maze?
Because there's too many ears.
How many genders are there?
One, women are property.
How many wives does Santa have?
Ho Ho Ho!
Johnny had 55 pineapples. He threw three at his friend. How many does he have now?
None, because he was pistol whipped then shot at point blank range with a sawed off shotgun covered in fluoroantimonic acid which burned a hole in his skull causing his brain to melt and rupture nerve cells all over his friends. Then his arms and legs were stuffed into a wheat thresher which was used to harvest the meat of the enslaved children. Then his corpse was molested.
Memes
tryna catch a body??
Once I went to a museum and overheard someone speaking to an employee for information.
"These are lying clocks; they tell how many lies a person tells."
"Oh, cool."
"This is Mother Teresa's clock; the clock hasn't moved because she never lied."
"Makes sense."
"This is Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands only moved twice, indicating he only lied twice."
"Where's Trump's clock?"
"Oh, we're using it as a ceiling fan."
And then I burst out laughing 'cause it's so true.
Why shouldn’t you call people in China?
Because there are so many Wings and Wongs you might "wing" the wrong number.
How many Kardashians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One really small one and one really small black guy.
How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb? None, they can't change anything.
I am just kidding, you know gay jokes aren't funny, come on guys.
How many women does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they can't change anything.
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they just sit in the dark and cry.
Yo mama slept with so many guys she's starting to look like one.
They say during sex you burn off as many calories as running 8 miles. Who the fuck runs 8 miles in 30 seconds?
How many people can you fit in a car?
6 - 3 in the back, 2 in the front, and my nan in the ashtray.
A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Puerto Rican!"
Then the blonde replies, "OMG, you dirty little slut! How many is a Puerto Rican?"
How many orphans can you fit in a bag of chips?
One, if the bag is family size.
There were 25 cows, 28 chickens. How many didn't?
(Ten, if you count in base 13!)
How many people does it take to change a lightbulb underwater? The results are shocking!
Person 1: "I love KFC."
Person 2: "Yeah, me too!"
Person 1: "How many have you gotten?"
Person 2: "How am I supposed to remember how many buckets of chicken I have ordered!?"
Person 1: "Chicken? What chicken? What do you think KFC stands for?"
Person 2: "Kentucky Fried Chicken?"
Person 1: "What? I thought it meant kidnapping foster children."
Person 2: "BLOODY WHATT??"
How many Americans does it take to fill the Grand Canyon?
4