Many jokes

How many emos does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, they sit in the dark and cry.

Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me.

It means a lot!

I saw names carved into a tree and thought it was romantic. Until I realized how many people bring knives on dates.

So my dad tells these jokes and someone posted one on this website so...

How many Polish people does it take to change a light bulb? 101, one to hold the light bulb and 100 to spin the house.

There’s also one about a bowling ball in a bath tub he hasn’t told me that though. I'll research that.

How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?

It only takes one, but it takes a long time, and the light bulb has to want to change.

Why did the cheese go to therapy? Because it had too many emotional holes.

Person 1: How many people has Michael Jackson fingered?

Person 2: Dunno, what’s the minor population?

How many altar boys does it take to screw in a light bulb? Depends on how dark the priests' basement is.

*trigger alert*

Why did the racist cop shut down the space brothel?

Because there were too many black holes.

Teacher, there are 3 birds. 1 gets shot. How many are left?

Student, none. They flew off because the shot scared them off.

Teacher, actually 2, but I like the way you think.

5 minutes later

Student, there are 3 women eating ice cream. 1 is licking it, 1 is drinking it melted, and 1 is sucking it. Which one is married?

Teacher, the one sucking it?

Student, no, the one with the ring, but I like the way you think.

How many ears does Captain Picard have?

Three: A left ear, a right ear, and a final front-ear.

How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?

Well, it's not 8 because my basement is still dark.

How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, because they beat the room for being dark, then arrest the room for being broke.

How many time does it take to cook a baby in a microwave?

I don’t know, I can’t count while masturbating.

An chemist, a physicist, and a mathematician are stranded on an island when a can of food rolls ashore.

The chemist and the physicist come up with many ingenious ways to open the can. Then suddenly the mathematician gets a bright idea: "Assume we have a can opener..."

There are 5 cats on a boat, and 1 jumps off. How many are left?

Zero, they were copycats.

Why do American guns only have 30 bullets?

'Cause that's how many kids are in a class.

Your mum so fat that when she sat down she said, "Why are there so many people under me?"

How many times do you tickle an octopus to get it to laugh?

Ten-tickles!

Did you hear about the dead artist?

Too many strokes.