How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? It only takes one but it takes a long time and the light bulb has to want to change.
Why did the cheese go to therapy? Because it had too many emotional holes.
how many russians does it take to change a light bulb. I don't know they just keep Putin them in.
*trigger alert*
Why did the racist cop shut down the space brothel?
Because there were too many black holes.
Teacher, there is 3 birds 1 gets shot how many are left.
Student, non they flew off because the shot scared them off.
Teacher, acautly 2 but i like the way you think.
5 minutes later
Student, there is 3 women eating ice cream 1 licking it 1 drinking it melted and 1 sucking it which one is married.
Teacher,the one sucking it?
Student, no the one with the ring but i like the way you think.
How many ears does Captain Picard have?
Three: A left ear, a right ear, and a final front-ear.
How many dead baby's does it take to change a light bulb?
Well It's not 8 because my basement is still dark
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, because they beat the room for being dark, then arrest the room for being broke.
How many time does it take to cook a baby in a microwave?
I don’t know, I can’t count while masturbating.
An chemist, a physicist, and a mathematician are stranded on an island when a can of food rolls ashore.
The chemist and the physicist come up with many ingenious ways to open the can. Then suddenly the mathematician gets a bright idea: "Assume we have a can opener..."
There are 5 cats on a boat, and 1 jumps off. How many are left?
Zero, they were copycats.
Why do American guns only have 30 bullets?
'Cause that's how many kids are in a class.
Your mum so fat that when she sat down she said, "Why are there so many people under me?"
How many times do you tickle an octopus to get it to laugh?
Ten-tickles!
How many times do yo tickle a squid before it laughs???
TEN-TICKLES
Did you hear about the dead artist?
Too many strokes.
Why can't you tell a joke in a corn maze?
Because there's too many ears.
How many genders are there?
One, women are property.
How many wives does Santa have?
Ho Ho Ho!
Johnny had 55 pineapples. He threw three at his friend. How many does he have now?
None, because he was pistol whipped then shot at point blank range with a sawed off shotgun covered in fluoroantimonic acid which burned a hole in his skull causing his brain to melt and rupture nerve cells all over his friends. Then his arms and legs were stuffed into a wheat thresher which was used to harvest the meat of the enslaved children. Then his corpse was molested.
