Many jokes

Three guys are standing in an alley on an alien planet, and the psycho one says, "However many tits your girl has is how many balls you have!"

The first guy says, "Ha! My girlfriend has six! I'm racked up!" The second guy said, "Eh, I am happy with two balls." The third guy said, "Shit! My girlfriend is flat as fuck!"

A guy listening in enters and says, "Bro, you actually have girlfriends. I do not. Does that mean I have a pussy?"

Many were curious about how methane ended up on Mars.

I'm pretty sure it was because of Uranus.

How many skinheads does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

10; 1 to do it and 9 to back him up.

How many orphans does it take to change a light bulb?

Obviously more than three because my basement is still dark.

How do you check that a rabbit is old?

You check how many gray hares it has.

I love escalator jokes. There's not too many steps.

The cancer patient asked the doctor how many more months he had to live. The doctor replied, "Tu-more."

Why do Roman Catholics have so many kids?

So there’s more for the priest.

What do you call the woman that fucked sooooooo many hunks to have the condom break and a failure to be born? Ur Mum.

A woman prayed to be a mother everyday for many years until she crossed a road without looking and got hit by a woman driver and died.

When she met God, she asked Him, "How come you didn't answer my prayers?"

God replied, "I did. I kept sending men to rape you, but you kept on choosing to destroy my creations by having an abortion."

How many redheads does it take to change a lightbulb?

One! She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.

Huh, I'm really pissed off. No matter how many jokes I make, no one likes them. 😭😭:'(:':😔😔😿💔💔👇👇:(

How many babies does it take to paint wheels red?

It depends on your speed.

How many animals can you fit in a pair of underpants?

A. A cock and a few hairs (hares).

These people who are offended by rape jokes don’t even understand humor. They think of humor as like a happy thing because humor makes us laugh and laughter makes us happy, but most of the jokes that we laugh at are filled with pain and suffering. If I take a joke like, how many police officers does it take to change a light bulb? None, they just beat the room for being black. Now that joke isn’t making light of the fact that people have marched in the civil rights movement and people have been racially discriminated against. It’s not making light of those, what it’s doing is it’s taking that pain and suffering and making you transcend it for a moment, and showing the absurdity of the human mind, and that is important. Humor at its best takes the bad things in this world that are painful and hard to deal with and makes it something funny.

And before you go in the comments and say I agree with rape, I don’t. I hope everybody who rapes someone to have their dick cut off. My little sister got fucking raped when she was six, and the guy is lucky he got caught by the police and not me, cause if I caught I would have fucking killed him, so I don’t agree with rape, but I still think rape jokes should still not be taken so seriously!

I have so many cash machine jokes.

But none of them seem to work ATM.

Wilt Chamberlain may have spread his seed among many women, but Kobe spread his brain matter all over California.

I jump and jump if you put bread in me too many times. What am I? A toaster.

How many terrorists does it take to tile a roof?

It depends on how thin you slice them.

Seeing so many balding college students is so sad. Like, why the fuck is your hairline graduating before you?!?