Many jokes

How many emissions does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, they just sit in the dark and cry.

My parents used to make me and my siblings apologize to the ground when we stomped.

If I had done "it," I would have gotten SO many apologies.

Anyone want a free pizza? Because you liking a pizza with toppings that not many people enjoy allows you to eat the entire guilt free pizza, that they said they didn't want and everyone already offered you a slice of.

Butcher knives are great tools for cutting many things!

Fruit, vegetables, my arms.

A boy couldn't walk normally because his pants were huge, and when he went to school, the people there made so many jokes about him that he died.

IT'S NOT TRUE, JUST A FAKE JOKE, DON'T WORRY!

How many clickbait articles does it take to change a lightbulb? The answer may shock you!

Why doesn’t Ganon search the web very often? Because there’s too many links.

How names were named.

"I have to go because my tailor is at the gym where he will chase coal before dawn."

"SAY THAT AGAIN. SO MANY GOOD NAMES!"

How many women does it take to change a light bulb?

None, because they're so DARN STUPID!!!!

How many police officers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two: one to change the lightbulb, and the other to open fire while the room is dark.

This is 15 first-year treating a swan.

Students return: "Without payment?"

The word "I die with many important problems."

Later, you answer this point: "DSD, rats?"

I've had conversations with many people. Some of them were drier than my dad's ashes.

Once I went to a museum and overheard someone speaking to an employee for information.

"These are lying clocks, they tell how many lies a person tells."

"Oh, cool."

"This is Mother Teresa’s clock; the clock hasn’t moved because she never lied."

"Makes sense."

"This is Abraham Lincoln’s clock. The hands only moved twice, indicating he only lied twice."

"Where’s Trump’s clock?"

"Oh, we’re using it as a ceiling fan."

And then I burst out laughing 'cause it’s so true.

Don’t suicide! Please don’t, it’s horrible, and you will hurt so many people that love you.

That’s why no one will be hurt.

How many dead babies does it take to paint my room?

It depends how many bullets you have.

What do you call it when a watch has too many belts?

A waist of your time.

So many of these jokes are unoriginal, and you guys need to step up your game.

Why did Alice from Wonderland get her butt stuck in the rabbit hole at first? Because she probably ate too many hamburgers and drank too much wine just out of nowhere, then told her butt to hold it in before more food pops out.

Q: How many more chemo treatments did the cancer patient need?

A: Tumor.

Billy moved in with 69 pedophiles when he was 8. Many "tears" came across his cheeks.