Many jokes
There are 30 cows in a field, 28 chickens. How many didn't?
A - 10
There’s so many protests. Every time I see "my body, my choice," I can’t tell if we’re protesting the masks or trying to kill babies.
A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Puerto Rican!"
Then the blonde replies, "OMG, you dirty little slut! How many is a Puerto Rican?"
Alex Stokes says, "Kat, I've seen you eat many foods!"
*trigger alert*
Why did the racist cop shut down the space brothel?
Because there were too many black holes.
How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Trick question, feminists don't change anything.
How many children does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Not 27, because my basement is still dark.
Why can’t monkeys play in the jungle? Because there are too many cheetahs!
Friend: *hits head* Others: How many fingers am I holding up? Me to friend: How suicidal am I on a scale from one to ten? Friend: Ten Me: He's fine guys.
Why are there so many scars and cuts on your arm?
Because it's a battlefield.
Bleach solves so many problems: stains, dirty dishes, messes, and overpopulation.
How many times do I tap that ass? OVER 9000!
I get so many things stuck in my head, though, unfortunately none of them were a bullet.
What happened to the man who made too many bad jokes? He served out a cruel and unusual PUNishment.
Your mum so fat that when she sat down she said, "Why are there so many people under me?"
What is the tallest building in the entire world? The library, because it has so many stories.
How many times can you subtract ten from one thousand?
One; after that you're subtracting ten from 990.
How many Quebecers does it take to change a lightbulb?
4!
One to hold the bulb, two to turn the chair he's standing on, and one to sing "Alouette, gentille alouette!"
How many screws does it take to construct a lesbian's bed?
None, it's all tongue and groove...
Three unlucky jungle explorers were captured by a band of cannibals. Whilst being tied to three respective stakes, the chieftain announces that the hapless adventurers were about to die.
"After you're dead, you'll be skinned. The skin will be used to increase our canoe armada, and the rest of you will be food for us and our families."
This announcement was met with gasps of despair from the bound trio.
"There is one small favor I can offer you," the chief went on. "We'll let you choose your own method of death from what we have captured from other explorers."
Some of the tribal members begin walking by, displaying various implements of war and death.
The first explorer chose a crusty-looking musket. Thankfully, the powder load still fired, and he was dispatched without much fuss.
The second chose a knife and quickly drew it across his throat.
Both carcasses were hauled off by various tribesmen.
The third explorer stood there resolute and deep in thought.
After a few moments, the chieftain said, "There is no escape, you need to decide now, or I'll decide for yo..."
"Do you have a fountain pen in any of that junk?" the explorer interrupted?
Baffled, the chieftain sent two of his men to rummage. They came back bearing the pen and a bottle of ink.
When the explorer noticed the ink was Noodler's Baystate Blue, his grin spread from ear to ear.
Gathered round the explorer, spears in hand, the cannibals looked on as he was released and set to work filling the pen with ink.
Confused, the chief began to speak, "I'm afraid we have no paper, and even if you wrote a final letter, we'd have no way of sending it anywh..."
Cackling with triumphant glee, the explorer raised the pen into the air and began ramming it into his torso, nib first, again and again. He then fell upon the ground gasping a death rattle.
Horrified, the chief drew close as the man beckoned him for one final word.
"But why this painful death? When you had so many other more merciful options?" the chief asked.
Laughing, the man gasped his last statement into the chief's ear, "You'll make no boats from me now, and your mouths will be blue for months!"