Many jokes

Little Johnny and his teacher were telling each other jokes and riddles. His teacher asked, "Three birds were sitting on a wire, a hunter shot one. How many are left?" Little Johnny replied, "None, because the sound would scare the other two away." His teacher said, "No, but I like the way you think!"

Little Johnny replied, "Alright, now I have one for you. What goes in dry and hard and comes out soft and hard?" His teacher was shocked and said, "Little Johnny!" He replied, "It's gum! But I like the way you think!"

How many orphans does it take to change a light bulb?

Obviously more than three because my basement is still dark.

Teacher: What's 3 minus 1? Me: I don't know. Teacher: How about this, you have three cakes, I take one. How many cakes do you have? Me: Three. Teacher: If I take one cake from your three, what do you have? Me: Three cakes and a dead teacher.

Science teacher: How many times can the earth fit into the sun?

Me: As many times as the earth can fit into you.

I jump and jump if you put bread in me too many times. What am I? A toaster.

How many children can you fit in a box?

Maybe five if you have a trash compactor.

When I see lovers' names carved on a tree, I don't think it's sweet. I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date.

Why are so many Americans stupid? Because they shoot the ones that go to school.

Hello, This is Jimmy from Jimmy's Pizzeria and Abortion Clinic! Your next loss is our next sauce! How many pizzas do you need?

If someone who speaks two languages is bilingual, and someone who speaks many languages is multilingual, then what do you call someone who speaks one language?

An American.

Wilt Chamberlain may have spread his seed among many women, but Kobe spread his brain matter all over California.

Q: How many children does it take to shingle a roof?

A: Depends on how thinly you slice them.

I was in the Sahara Desert, dying of thirst. Thankfully, Pionel Pessi, the debut man, came to my rescue👨‍🚒. He brought in 100's of helicopters filled with bottles to quench my thirst. I asked him how he had so many bottles; "big games," he replied. Thanks for saving my life, my idol.

My parents used to make me and my siblings apologize to the ground when we stomped.

If I had done "it," I would have gotten SO many apologies.

How many emissions does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, they just sit in the dark and cry.

my grandfather cant a woman's taco anymore cause his balls fell off from getting to many tacos

Many were curious about how methane ended up on Mars.

I'm pretty sure it was because of Uranus.

How many thots have I bullied?

Three. The rest are dead.

How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry.

To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.

You’re not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example.

How many times does Ariana Grande knock at the door?

She doesn’t, she just uses 7 rings.