Man jokes
How can you tell if a heterosexual man has been using a computer?
There is sperm on the screen.
Why did the old man fall into the well? He couldn't see that well.
A man walks into a library and asks for books about paranoia.
The librarian whispers, "They're right behind you!"
Did you hear about the Scottish man who murdered his wife?
He totally kilt her.
An Asian man walks into a bar in Australia. The bartender says to him “why are you here? Get back in that wing wong country.”
The Asian man says “I’m here traveling and now I’m gonna attack you with my 40 gallons of fried rice I’ve had in my pocket since wa dinowar wages. #wingwong”
Once, there was a man that was coming to my house and peeing in my yard. Then the man came back to my house and flopped his penis everywhere and peed at the same time, and it went all over my face.
So the next day, he came back, and I got my BB gun and shot a metal BB into his peepee.
This didn't actually happen.
I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.
The Man: "Sonny, why do you come to get some milk every day?"
The Son: "Because milk is important."
The Man: "Why don't you ever come with your mom?"
The Boy: "Who?"
The Man: "Your mom?"
The Boy: "I don't have a mom."
The Man: "I'm sorry for your loss."
The boy stared for a moment when two men came out of the vehicle and picked up the boy.
A couple is on their first date.
Man: How do you feel about sex?
Woman: I like it infrequently.
Man: I see. Is that one word or two?
A fat man was checking his weight and sucking in his fat belly. A physicist saw it and said that's not how the law of conservation of mass works.
Plot twist: The fat man jumped on the physicist and proved him wrong. Now the physicist doesn't have mass.
Why is it everyone wants to rub a pregnant woman's stomach but never the man's balls where the baby actually came from and the real ones that deserve the congratulations?
Q: What do you call a Mexican man that lost his car?
A: Carlos.
A man walks into a bar with a slab of concrete under his arm and says, "A beer please! and one for the road!"
Somebody shouts "Fire!"
Man 1: Get the children out!
Man 2: F*** the children!
Man 3: We don't have time!
If Silver Surfer and Iron Man teamed up, they would be great ALLOYS!
Pretend you are an old man who is 77 years old and there are 7 doors, which door should you pick?
The seventh door.
An orphan walked up to the lemonade stand and he said to the man running the stand, "Hey, bum, bum, bum, got a family?"
Women be like men should pay for first dates, then get mad when you do...
Women be like men are trash, [but] forgets women raised those men.
Three men walk into a bar... you would have thought the last one would have ducked.