Man jokes

How can you tell if a heterosexual man has been using a computer?

There is sperm on the screen.

A man went to a Ford dealership hoping to find a car, but he said they weren't affordable.

You heard of Spider-Man: No Way Home. Now get ready for:

Orphan: No Way Home.

Chuck Norris doesn't ride horses.

Horses ride him.

Dad: How was your trip to the park?

Daughter: It was good until the man came along.

Dad: *gasps* Whatever happened, it wasn't your fault, but tell Daddy, what happened?

Daughter: He made my friends go away so it was just me and him... then he took my dress off...

Dad: Oh God, what next?

Daughter: Nothing, that was it.

Dad: Oh, come on! That wasn't exciting, make something up!

What is the most sensitive part of a man's anatomy while he's masturbating?

His ears.

What’s the difference between a man and a margarita?

A margarita hits the spot every time.

I'm 43 and my date is 19. A man rudely comes up to our table and calls me a pedophile. I told him to fuck off, this is our 10th anniversary.

What time did the man go to the dentist at? Two-thirty.

One day a man buys a rope to commit suicide, but his friend stops him.

They go to a school with lots of happy kids. The guy feels better after a mag.

A poor person came up to me and said, "You're ugly." I said, "You remind me of Spider-Man: No Way Home."

I'm not saying I'm ugly...

But when I'm watching porn, the hot, sexy women in my area always pop up and ask me if I'm rich.

Man 1: Dude, Viagra is for pussies. Real men don’t need Viagra.

Man 2: I thought Viagra was for dicks?

I’d make a joke about prostitutes and women sleeping with multiple men, but it would just be whore-ible.

What is an orphan's favorite Marvel movie?

"Spider-Man: No Way Home."

What does a man have 3 of, which a girl only has 2 of?

Legs.

Chuck Norris is the only man that ever had sex with my wife and survived. Oh, how did I survive?

Fortunately, being her husband, I was the one person she wasn't fucking.

So I went to Comic-Con and saw a man with an arm missing, and I thought, "Cool display," until I heard him screaming and getting the other arm chopped off. Then I said, "Man, now that's a 10/10 display, wow!"

Man: Stop with these orphan jokes!

Me: Why? Are they going to tell their parents on me?

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Mail man.

Mailman who?

Bitch, do you want your mail?