to be brutally honest i think his wife let him die for money cos they could just plug him back in, surely they have an android cable about?
3 men walk into heaven at the same time. they all live in the same city. god asks the first man "how did you die?" the man says "I have a heart condition and iv'e been suspecting my wife of cheating for some time. anyway I get how from work and I see my wife on the bed and a man hang of the balcony. I get so mad and stomp on the guys fingers! he falls into a bush so I throw a refrigerator on him." God asks the next man "how did you die?" the man says I was cleaning the windows and then this crazy man starts stomping on my fingers! luckily I fall safely in a bush! but then a refrigerator falls on me!" god asks the third man he says" I was the one in the fridge!"
A sex addict man meets a rich man around Christmas.
The sex addict asks the rich man, "What are you getting your wife this Christmas?" The rich man replies, "Diamond earrings and a Mercedes." The sex addict asks, "Why are you getting her two gifts?" The rich man says, "Well, if she doesn't like the earrings then she can drive to the store and exchange them."
The sex addict nods. Then the rich man asks him, "So what are you getting your wife this year?" The sex addict thinks about it for a second and replies, "A gold necklace and a dildo."
The rich man asks, "Why those two things?" The sex addict astutely reponds, "This way, if she doesn't like the jewelry she can go f... herself."
A foreign man came to America not knowing a word of English and right away began looking for a job. He became a chorus teacher and learned to say, ̈Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi! ̈ After that he joined the Army and learned to say, ̈Yes sir! ̈ After that he worked at a restaurant and learned to say, ̈Forks and knives, forks and knives! ̈ After that he worked at a candy store and picked up the words, ̈Goody-goody gumdrops! ̈ A few weeks later, there was a murder in the area and he was the first person to be interrogated by the police. The interrogation went as follows: Policeman: Who killed the man? Foreign man: Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi! Policeman: Did you kill the man? Foreign man: Yes sir! Policeman: What did you use to kill him: Foreign man: Forks and knives, forks and knives! Policeman: You ́re under arrest. Foreign man: Goody-goody gumdrops!
Gwen sassy: Hi here my credit card don't get it wet it is to much! Unknown: Okay! Gwen sassy: Man I am late can you move a long! Much! Unknown wispering: Sexy!
A man is standing on the side of the road, waiting to cross, when another man stands alongside him, the first man says, " I have been waiting to cross here for ages, its impossible to cross " the second man says, "there is a zebra crossing up the road", he said, "I hope he is having better luck than I am".
Why does a heterosexual man swallow the sperm of another man after he has giving him a brojob? because of the cream filling inside just like the individually wrapped cakes of hostess twinkies
guy: Say "I'm a man" every time I stop. person: guy: you walk into a bar. person: I'm a man guy:you meet a girl person: I'm a man guy:you and the girl go to a hotel\ person: I'm a man guy:you guys go on a bed person: I'm a man. guy:she whispers into your ear person:I'm a man
A man walks over to a little boy and asks "Wanna see my tattoo of a bunny?" the little boy replies with "Yes please i love bunnies" The man proceeds to pull his pants down and said can you see it yet?" The little boy curious says "no where is it?" The man says "dig a little deeper he runs into the whole when he gets scared!"
3 men where in a desert 1 man was holding a jug the 2nd was holding a paper bag and the last was holding a car door a man came around and asked the 1st why he had a jug he said it was his water and if he got thirsty he would take a drink. Then he asked the second why do you have a paper bag the guy said this is my packed lunch so if I get hungry I will eat my lunch. Then he asked the last man why he has a car door and he said it he got hot he would roll down the window.
Two cannibals have just captured a man and are about to eat him, so they cook him and lay him on a table. the first cannibal says "you start at the bottom I start at the top" so they both chow down. about half an hour later, the second cannibal says "i'm having a ball" then than the the first cannibal says "than you're eating too fast"
what's an old man's favourite food
wrinkled onions
A black man walked into a bar. Other guy invited him over for a drink. They spent the rest of the night drinking and having a good time.
A man is driving down the road and runs over a rabbit, he slams on his brakes, gets out and walks up to the flattened bunny. The bunny is obviously expired. A passing car slams on it’s brakes and screeches to a halt. The driver of that car runs up to the bunny pulls out an aerosol can and sprays the bunny with the aerosol spray. The Bunny jumps up runs a few feet, then stops, turns around and waves it’s paw at the two men. Runs away a few more feet, stops, turns around and waves at the two men. Runs away a few more feet, stops, turns around and waves at the two men. He continues to do this until he’s out of sight. The first driver looks at the man with the aerosol can and says “Wow that is amazing, what is in that can” the man looks at the can and reads the label “Hair restorer, with a permanent wave”.
What is the name of the political party in the United States that was founded in 1971 and has lost a presidential election since 1972, and is more political corrupted than the man boy love association of america because it is politically motivated? Libertarian Party 🤔 💭 💡 😲 🫢 😭 😠 😡 💸 💸 💸 💸 💸 💸 💸 💸 💸 💸 💸 💸 💸 💸 💸 💸 💸 💸 💸 💸 💸 💸 💸 💸 💸
A man is talking to his doctor after undergoing a whole range of tests to try and find out what’s wrong with him.
The doctor sits him down and says, “I’m so sorry to have to tell you this. But the results are back, and I’m afraid it’s fatal.”“Oh no!” exclaims the man, “How long do I have?”
“Ten,” says the doctor.
“What, years? Months?!”
“Nine...”
A cop pulls a man over and finds out hes drunk. So he asks for license and registration, and the drunk man says ̈Can i see your flashlight? ̈ and the cop says ̈just give me your license and registration. ̈ so drunk guy says ̈not until you give me your flashlight. ̈ the cop said ̈for what? ̈ and the drunk guy says ̈so i can shine it in your face and see what an asshole looks like. ̈
What does the blind man say when walking past the fish market? “Good evening ladies."
A man was taking a child into a dark forest. The child said, "I'm scared..." The man replied, "Well I have to walk home alone."
Gambler
A guy walks into a butcher's shop and says "Sir, are you a gambling man?" The butcher says, "Why yes, as a matter of fact I am." "Then I'll bet you $25 you can't reach up and touch that meat hanging over your head right there." The butcher thinks for a moment and says, "I'm sorry, I won't take that bet." The guy says, "But I thought you said you were a gambling man." "I am. But the steaks are too high."
