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Legs

BigDickBobby

A man is walking on the deck of a cruise ship, when he sees a woman, without arms and legs, crying. The man says “What’s wrong?” The woman says “I’ve never been hugged before.” So, the man gives her a hug and walks away.

The next day, the man sees the woman, on the deck, crying again. The man says “What’s wrong, now?” The woman says “I’ve never been kissed before.” So, the man gives her a kiss and walks away.

The next day, the same thing occurs. The man says “Oh, for Christ’s sake! What’s wrong, this time?!” The woman says “Well, I’ve never been fucked before.” So, the man picks her up, throws her into the ocean, and yells “YOU’RE FUCKED!”

Adoption

Anonymous

One man’s trash is another man’s treasure Wonderful saying, Horrible way to find out you were adopted.

Rich

Anonymous

What do you call a rich Chinese man? Ching Ching

Bar

Anonymous

Two men walked into a bar and one man asked for H20 and the other man asked for H20 too.

Only one man came out alive.

Wife

Anonymous

A guy walks into a bar with a revolver and yells, “WHO THE F*** F***ED MY WIFE!” A man in the back responds, “YOU AINT GOT ENOUGH BULLETS MATE!”

Legs

Ethan

A man woke up from a serious surgery. He screamed, “Doctor! Doctor! I can’t feel my legs!”. And the doctor replied, “I know. I amputated you arms.”

Bar

Anonymous

A blind man walk into a bar…and a table…and a chair…and the counter

Fish

Anonymous

Give a man a fish, and he eats for a day. Teach a Nigerian to phish and he’ll become a prince.

White

Ice_wallo_come

What do you call a white man surrounded by black men. Coach

Wife

Your Mom

A man got in a bad car accident. He was at risk of losing his arm. The doctors had to perform complicated surgery on his arm. The man’s wife visited after the surgery. The doctor came up to her and said: "I have good news and bad news." The wife said: "What’s the good news? “We managed to save his arm.” “What’s the bad news?” “We couldn’t save the rest of him.”

Foot

(Optional)

A guy walks into a bar and sees a 1 foot piano player over by the door. He goes over to the bartender, orders a beer, and says “man, how’d you get such a short piano player.” The bartender says in response” there’s a genie in the back of the bar.” The man finishes his beer and runs to the back, looking for the genie. He finds it and says “I wish for a million bucks.” Suddenly, a million ducks fly out of the bar. The customer looks confused and goes back to the bartender and says “what just happened” the bartender replies “the genie is half deaf, do you really think I’d ask for a 12 inch pianist?”

Fat

Stephen Hawking

What did the little boy say to the fat man?

How many Japs did you get?

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Puns

K/\NE

Today was a bad day, their was a man throwing butter and cheese at me, how dairy

Monkey

Anonymous

Monkey Man’s mortuary you stab 'em we slab 'em

Dad

Anonymous

what happens when you accidentally taught your child to call every man daddy?

you find the real one.

Wife

President Lincoln

A drunk man walked out of a bar and kept falling flat on his face. He wondered why this was until his wife spoke to him: Wife: why is your face all bloody? Husband: I was so drunk that I couldn’t stand up so I kept falling on my face! Wife: idiot. You left your wheelchair at the bar!

Woman

Anonymous

A elderly woman and an elderly man were at a retirement home The man was shuffling a deck of cards for a card game The man asks "Is it your first time?" The woman replies “It’s been a while since a man has asked me that.”

Puns

Anon ymous

A man walks into a zoo, the only animal was a dog.

It was a shitzu

Bar

Dee's Nuts

What did the blind man fight in the bar?

The coat rack

Wife

Anonymous

A Man walks into a bar and Orders 3 shots of Whisky, The Bartender asks "What’s got you down" The man says “I just found out my Niece is gay.” The next day he orders 4 shots of Whisky The Bartender asks “What’s got you down now?” The man says "I just found out my son is gay." The next day he orders 6 shots of whisky The Bartender says "Got anybody who likes Women?" The man says “My wife does.”

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