A man walked into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide, the librarian responds with ”fuck off you won’t bring it back!”

Why did the bald man paint rabbits on his head?

Because from a distance, they looked like hare.

What do u call a woman who says she can do anything a man can do?

Wrong

A guy walks into a bar and sees a 1 foot piano player over by the door. He goes over to the bartender, orders a beer, and says “man, how’d you get such a short piano player.” The bartender says in response” there’s a genie in the back of the bar.” The man finishes his beer and runs to the back, looking for the genie. He finds it and says “I wish for a million bucks.” Suddenly, a million ducks fly out of the bar. The customer looks confused and goes back to the bartender and says “what just happened” the bartender replies “the genie is half deaf, do you really think I’d ask for a 12 inch pianist?”

What do you call a fat chinese man

A double chinkey

What did the blind man fight in the bar?

The coat rack

A drunk man walked out of a bar and kept falling flat on his face. He wondered why this was until his wife spoke to him: Wife: why is your face all bloody? Husband: I was so drunk that I couldn’t stand up so I kept falling on my face! Wife: idiot. You left your wheelchair at the bar!

A man walked into a library. He asked the librarian, “Have you got a book on how to commit suicide?” The librarian replied, “no you’d never bring it back!”

An American woman married a British man. On their honeymoon, the British husband said, ¨You look like a million pounds!¨ The wife divorced him.

To the man in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket: you can hide, but you can’t run

Did you here about the man who ran in front of the bus? He got tired.

A Man walks into a bar and Orders 3 shots of Whisky, The Bartender asks "What’s got you down" The man says “I just found out my Niece is gay.” The next day he orders 4 shots of Whisky The Bartender asks “What’s got you down now?” The man says "I just found out my son is gay." The next day he orders 6 shots of whisky The Bartender says "Got anybody who likes Women?" The man says “My wife does.”

a man walks into a bar, and notices a steak hanging from the ceiling. when he asks the bartender about it, the bartender says “If you can jump up and hit it, drinks are on the house for the night, but if you miss, everyone’s drinks are on your tab for the next two hours. Do you want to try?” the man decided not to take the risk. he thought the steaks where too high.

Give a man a match he’ll be warm for a while but set a man on fire, he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.

A man goes into heaven and there he meets jesus. He asks Jesus what that broken clock is there for. Jesus says “that is mother teresa’s clock it has never moved because she has never lied”. “There is Abraham Lincolns clock. He has .lied twice so it has moved twice.” “Where is Donald Trump’s?” Ask’s the man. Jesus answers “it is in my office, I am using it as a ceiling fan.”

If a woman sleeps with 10 men she’s a slut, but if a man does it… He’s gay, definitely gay.

If iron man and quick sliver teamed up… They would be alloys.

Give a man a plane ticket and he will fly for a day Push a man out of a plane and he will fly for the rest of his life

Man: I got fired from my job at the calander factory. Lady: What did you do? Man: I took a day of…

Dyslexic man walks into a bra.

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