A drunk man walked out of a bar and kept falling flat on his face. He wondered why this was until his wife spoke to him: Wife: why is your face all bloody? Husband: I was so drunk that I couldn’t stand up so I kept falling on my face! Wife: idiot. You left your wheelchair at the bar!

a man died with an erection. the three nurses in the morgue saw this the first nurse climbs on and rides him. the second nurse dose the same the third hesitates saying “i’m on my period.” the others say its ok hes dead so she rides him to. when she’s done he sits up and all the nurses ask how hes alive he replies i’m good to go after the two jumpstarts and blood transfusion

after a surgery, a man claimed he couldn’t feel his legs, i replied “OF COURSE NOT, I AMPUTATED YOUR FUCKING ARMS!”

What do you call a fat chinese man

A double chinkey

What do you call a rich white man? Cracker with Cheese!

Give a man a match he’ll be warm for a while but set a man on fire, he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.

Orphan- I want to kill my parents

People- I dont think you have the facilities for that big man

One man’s trash is another man’s treasure Wonderful saying, Horrible way to find out you were adopted.

A man was mowing his lawn when blue and reg stuff came out instead of grass. Next thing he knew a smurf was on his shoulder asking if he’s seen his friend.

A man walks into a library and says to the librarian, “Do you have that book for men with small penises?”

The librarian looks on her computer and says, “I don’t know if it’s in yet.”

“Yeah, that’s the one!”

A guy walks into a bar and sees a 1 foot piano player over by the door. He goes over to the bartender, orders a beer, and says “man, how’d you get such a short piano player.” The bartender says in response” there’s a genie in the back of the bar.” The man finishes his beer and runs to the back, looking for the genie. He finds it and says “I wish for a million bucks.” Suddenly, a million ducks fly out of the bar. The customer looks confused and goes back to the bartender and says “what just happened” the bartender replies “the genie is half deaf, do you really think I’d ask for a 12 inch pianist?”

What did the blind man fight in the bar?

The coat rack

Give a man a plane ticket and he will fly for a day Push a man out of a plane and he will fly for the rest of his life

a man walks into a bar, and notices a steak hanging from the ceiling. when he asks the bartender about it, the bartender says “If you can jump up and hit it, drinks are on the house for the night, but if you miss, everyone’s drinks are on your tab for the next two hours. Do you want to try?” the man decided not to take the risk. he thought the steaks where too high.

Man: I got fired from my job at the calander factory. Lady: What did you do? Man: I took a day of…

I went to the shooting range the other day after a while I realized I was the only one there so I decided to go home and saw on the news that there was a mass school shooting and there were reporters on the scene, man I knew I should have stayed around a little longer.

If a woman sleeps with 10 men she’s a slut, but if a man does it… He’s gay, definitely gay.

A german soldier is walking down the street during a hail storm when a lady suddenly falls over after being hit. He, along with a few others, walk over to her. One man asks, “What happened?” and the soldier replies, “Hail hit her.” (say the joke aloud and it will make more sense)

A man ordered a washing machine because his old one stopped working. As soon as the man opened his new washing machine, he immediately rejoiced because there was a woman inside. Without hesitation the man yelled. FREE DISHWASHER!

What do u call a man who plays Fortnite 24/7 A: a virgin

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