Bar

Dee's Nuts

What did the blind man fight in the bar?

The coat rack

Life

Bowie fan 1

Give a man a plane ticket and he will fly for a day Push a man out of a plane and he will fly for the rest of his life

Puns

Anonymous

If iron man and quick sliver teamed up… They would be alloys.

Run

Anonymous

What did the Tin Man say when he got run over by a steamroller? – “Curses! Foil again!”

Arms

Anonymous

How do you get a man with only one arm out of a tree?

Wave.

Shooting

Anonymous

I went to the shooting range the other day after a while I realized I was the only one there so I decided to go home and saw on the news that there was a mass school shooting and there were reporters on the scene, man I knew I should have stayed around a little longer.

Wife

aye

It’s the World Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right next to the pitch. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. ‘No,’ says the neighbor. ‘The seat is empty.’ ‘This is incredible,’ said the man. ‘Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Final and not use it?’ The neighbor says, ‘Well actually the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven’t been to together since we got married.’ ‘Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s terrible….But couldn’t you find someone else, a friend, relative or even a neighbor to take her seat?’ The man shakes his head. ‘No,’ he says. ‘They’re all at the funeral.’

Wife

Anonymous

An American woman married a British man. On their honeymoon, the British husband said, ¨You look like a million pounds!¨ The wife divorced him.

Fire

It's me Funny but sad.

Give a man a match he’ll be warm for a while but set a man on fire, he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.

Hand

Anonymous

Why did the one handed man cross the road?

To get to the second hand store!

Fat

Anonymous

What do you call a fat chinese man

A double chinkey

Dad

Galaxycat

Q:What did the elephant say to the naked man?

A:How do you breathe through that little thing?

Depression

Anonymous

What do you call a drunk depressed man that skydives?

Splattered.

Bar

Anonymous

A blind man walk into a bar…and a table…and a chair…and the counter

Kid

Person

“Oh daddy,” the kid said. “I love you so much!” “Hey,” the man responded. “Until we get the DNA test results, I’m just Harry to you!”

Puns

K/\NE

Today was a bad day, their was a man throwing butter and cheese at me, how dairy

Depression

I Hate Myself :)

A man walks to the window and opens it and pulls out his phone and takes a photo. “One more picture and I’ll jump.” He takes another photo and shuts the window. “I can’t jump, you’re not supposed to throw trash out the window.”

Bra

Gabe

A dislexic man walks into a bra

French

Cr8zygamer10

I asked a French man if he played videogames, and he said, “Wii!”

Girl

Anonymous

What did the girl say to the man with a moustache? I moustache you a question

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