Man jokes
One man's trash is another man's treasure... Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out you're adopted.
How do you punish a blind man?
Leave the plunger in the toilet.
Why did the bald man paint rabbits on his head?
Because from a distance, they looked like hare.
Why are Japanese always so skinny?
Cause last time there was a fat man, an entire city disappeared.
What do you call a man that has no arms, no legs, and sits in front of your door? Mat.
If a woman sleeps with 10 men she's a slut, but if a man does it... He's gay, definitely gay.
Did you hear about the man who was accidentally buried alive? -- It was a grave mistake.
I asked a French man if he played videogames, and he said, "Wii!"
A millionaire LOVES alligators and filled his pool full of alligators. One night he has a party and says, "Whoever can swim from one end to the other of the alligator infested pool unharmed will get a prize, my daughter or a million dollars." Some people line up but they are hesitant. One man gets in the water, swims from one end to the other unharmed, and went to the millionaire. The millionaire says, "Wow, I can't believe you did it! So what's your prize?" The guy says, "I don't care about the million dollars or your daughter, I just want to know who the b@$*ard was that pushed me in the pool!"
What did the Tin Man say when he got run over by a steamroller? -- "Curses! Foil again!"
What did the little boy say to the fat man? How many Japs did you get?
A man goes for his annual checkup. Afterward, he's sitting in the doctor's office, and the doctor comes in with the results of his tests. The doctor says, "I have some bad news; you have cancer and Alzheimer's." The man replies, "Well, at least I don't have cancer."
A man tried to shoot Adolf Hitler, but missed. Then Adolf replied, "Oh shoot, I did nazi that coming!"
I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store.
I said to him: "I don't think they have what you're looking for, sir."
Two men walked into a bar, and one man asked for H20, and the other man asked for H20 too.
Only one man came out alive.
A man crashed his new expensive car into a tree. He now knew how the Mercedes bends.
An elderly woman and an elderly man were at a retirement home.
The man was shuffling a deck of cards for a card game.
The man asks, "Is it your first time?"
The woman replies, "It's been a while since a man has asked me that."
A man books a session to see a therapist, as he claims he has a strong fear of the 15th, 9th and 3rd letters of the alphabet. So once the therapist, let's call him Frank, has jotted that down on his notebook, he says, "Oh, I see."
A man walks into a zoo. The only animal was a dog.
It was a shih tzu.
Once there was a midget man jumping on a pothole saying 43, 43, 43. A kid walks up to the man and says, "Why are you saying 43, 43, 43?"
The man stops and looks at him, then he starts jumping again and says 43, 43, 43.
The kid asked him again and so on.
Then the man stops, opens the pothole, throws the kid in, closes it, and starts jumping and says 44, 44, 44!!!"