I took my girlfriend out the other day... Man, do I love being a sniper.
Did you hear about the man who ran in front of the bus? He got tired.
You can laugh at how men are stupid. But remember their favorite thing.
It starts with "M" and ends with "arriage".
If you guessed "Marriage" you're stupid. It's miscarriage and don't forget it. The joke never gets old to him. Just like the baby.
I like my couches like my women... Old, used, and big enough to fit 3 men.
I was working in an iPhone store in Norwich when a man came! He said, "Give me a hat-trick or I will destroy your store!" I said, "No," and he started to smash phones! I immediately screamed, "Important game!" and he disappeared! Shame on you, Penaldo, for ruining my store! 😡😡
Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals.
A man walks into a bar and notices a steak hanging from the ceiling. When he asks the bartender about it, the bartender says, "If you can jump up and hit it, drinks are on the house for the night, but if you miss, everyone's drinks are on your tab for the next two hours. Do you want to try?" The man decided not to take the risk. He thought the steaks were too high.
Why does a heterosexual man swallow the sperm of another man after he has given him a brojob?
Because of the cream filling inside, just like the individually wrapped cakes of Hostess Twinkies.
A blind man had an argument with a man in a wheelchair. The man in a wheelchair made fun of him saying, "look, there's a spider." The blind man simply said, "Step on it."
A man is at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. A few years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: “What the hell was that all about?”
A man looks at his friend and says, "If you and a friend go camping and you two get really drunk, and in the morning you wake up with a condom in your butt, would you tell anyone?" The friend says in a disgusted tone, "No." So the man says, "Okay, let's go camping."
Why did the heterosexual man put a mask on his cock to protect himself from COVID? Silly boy.
If a crippled man told stories about himself, would that be called VeggieTales?
New study reveals that women slightly overweight live longer... than the men who mention it.
Three men are on a boat. They have four cigarettes, but nothing to light them with. So, they throw a cigarette overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
Men vacuum in the same way that they have sex.
They just put it in and make some noise for 3 minutes before they collapse on the couch and think that their wife should be really happy.
Me: Man, I wish my clothes were emo.
Friend: Why?
Me: So they would hang themselves.
What do most 50-year-old men put inside their cars?
Children.
Two men walk into a bar. You'd think the second one would've seen it.
How are giants and strippers alike?
They both grind men's bones to make their bread.
