Man jokes

I saw my midget neighbor at a bus stop.

"Jump in, I'll give you a lift home," I said.

"Bugger off!" he shouted back.

"What an ungrateful little man," I thought as I zipped up my backpack and continued my walk.

What do Gay Men and Minorities have in common?

My dad hates them both!

So a blind man walks into a bar.

At least he thinks so.

One day a local pastor was visiting the home of some parishioners who had a teenage son. The parents were worried about what career their son would choose, so the pastor said he had a simple test that could predict what would become of him.

He would put three objects on a table and let the young man choose whichever one he wanted to have: a Bible, a wallet, and a bottle of scotch. If the boy chose the Bible, he would probably become a priest; if he chose the wallet, he'd be a banker; and if he chose the bottle, he'd become a worthless bum.

So the parents called their son into the room, and the pastor told him he could have whichever object he wished. When the boy promptly picked up all three, the pastor cried out, "Heaven forbid! He's going to be a Jesuit!"

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Answer:

The man said, "He's going to rape the people on the side of the road."

My uncle died from falling off a ladder and landing on his head (true story).

All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put my uncle together again.

When you tell the men in the suits you can see that the demons of your sins are watching you...

But they know you're blind.

If a man drove over a woman, whose fault was it? The man, because he shouldn't be driving in the kitchen.

I need a lovely lady to spoil. I have a big dick and a very clean house. Add me now.

Snapchat: @colin_green21

What talks high pitched and can't fly?

A gay man in Iran.

What happened to the man who turned into a pistachio?

He became a shell of who he once was.

I saw a man sitting on the ledge of a bridge the other day, and asked him what was wrong. He responded with nobody loves me, so i told him that may be true but you dont wanna kill yourself you want to die of old age, or at least be murdered, suicide is for the weak. he responded with your right so I pushed him over the bridge, and he died of murder

Man 1: I-I ran my mom over to get a stupid book.

Man 2: Aww, books aren't that bad. I'm sure she thinks you're a great son considering she can't drive anymore.

Man 1: She was in the road, and I was rushing to get the last copy of this book. She can't drive or do anything anymore.

Why did the number 5 get voted out of the game in the 1st round? Because he was an odd man out!

Why did the one-handed man cross the road?

To get to the second-hand store!

My dick harder than stone, man.

What position would a man with no legs and arms play in baseball?

Home base.

In heaven, the Englishman is responsible for jokes, the Italian man for food, and the German man for law and order. In hell, the Englishman is responsible for food, the Italian man for law and order, and the German man for jokes.

From the wise words of my friend, "You ain't a man 'til you had a man."

Yo mama's so fat, a man has to bring climbing equipment to kiss her on the cheek.