Puns

Anonymous212

What do you ca an Irish man that breaks up fights? Liam Malone

Table

Bang Cock

Confucius say, man who go though turn table is going to bangkok

Corn

no name

why could’nt the man get out of the maize maze?

he got corn-ered

Puns

Anonymous

Police arrested a man who dropped his phone in the ocean. The was charged with a salt in battery.

Wood

JUSTSTOP

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.

“I think my friend is dead!” he yells. “What can I do?”

The operator says, “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”

There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, “OK, now what?”

Daughter

Morbid Joke's Brother

The Mother and her Daughter went to the store. After they arrived, the Daughter looked around and ran off somewhere. The Mother realized this and took off looking for her, after awhile, she found her tugging on a black man, the Mother asked “What are you doing” and the Daughter replied “I wan’t the chocolate”

Wood

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

A guy walks with a young boy into the woods. The boy turns to him and says, “Hey mister, it’s getting really dark and I’m scared.” The man replies, “How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone.

Woman

Daddy Malta

A man ordered a washing machine because his old one stopped working. As soon as the man opened his new washing machine, he immediately rejoiced because there was a woman inside. Without hesitation the man yelled. FREE DISHWASHER!

School

Rapist

A rapist walks into a school and asks if they had 5 year olds in the school and the teacher replies “are you that same person who took Jimmy?” the man replies “yes” and the teacher says “Take susie too she’s being a little bitch.”

Bar

DYSLEXIA

What did the drunk women said to the man after leaving the bar? Alcohol-you later

Breakfast

Anonymous

One day there were two muffins in an oven, one of the muffins said, “man its hot in here.” The other one said “Oh my god! A talking muffin!!!”

Girlfriend

Anonymous

A man wakes up from his operation and the doctor says ‘I have bad news and good news, what do you want to hear first?’ The man says ‘bad’ so the doctor says ‘during the surgery your girlfriend decided to leave a message that she’s leaving you for another man’ the man says ‘what’s the good then?’ And the doctor says ‘I’m picking her up at 7’

Puns

Ducky Anonymous

One day a man was fixing a car, an he accidentally got brake oil in his mouth. He was about to spit it out, but then he thought, “hmm, this tastes pretty good!” So he would keep drinking brake oil. But his friends were getting worried about him, and they were like “dude, this can’t be healthy.” But he said “Don’t worry. I can STOP anytime.”

Home

Anonymous

What did the Mexican man say when his house fell on him?

Get off me homes.

Trump

Anonymous

My young son saw trump on TV he asked “Why is the man on TV painted orange?” I replied “Son when Russia pays that much for equipment, They don’t want it to rust”

Toe

Dawn

A man lost his toe when he dropped a knife on it: Doctor: I have good news and bad news Guy" Whats the bad news Doc: They replaced your toe with a piece of candy Guy: Good news? Doc: You now have tic tac toe

Bar

CorpseInAMidlifeCrisis

A man walks into a bar with an alligator and a stick. He walks up to the bartender and offers to put on a show for the bar’s patrons in exchange for a drink. The bartender agrees, so he pulls down his pants, sticks his dick in the alligators mouth and starts whacking it with the stick. After he’s done and gets his drink he asks if anyone else would like a go.

A lady gets up and says yes she would like a go, asks that he doesn’t hit her with the stick.

Door

Anonymous

Confucius says, man who walks through airport door sideways with erection, is going to Bangkok.

Fish

A murderer

give a man a fish feed him for a day

give a man a poison fish feed him for a lifetime

Puns

Anonymous

a man got fired from the first coin factory. he exclaimed “no! this is the only thing thats ever made cents!!”

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