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Door

Anonymous

Confucius says, man who walks through airport door sideways with erection, is going to Bangkok.

Breath

i kick a$$

when ant man is the size of an atom how can he breathe?

Puns

Anonymous212

What do you ca an Irish man that breaks up fights? Liam Malone

High

Cocky Rocky

Why didnt Logan Paul high five the asain man…because he loves to leave asains hanging

Taste

Anonymous

A man asked for poison and another man gave it to him. The first man took a sip and said, “hmmm this tastes like arsenic.” He took a sip of another and said, “hmmm this tastes like cyanide. A very unpleasant taste that brings back memories.”

Yo mama

Eyvonia

yo mama so ugly she the reason why slender man has no eyes

Shooting

Anonymous

Three men are travelling through the desert when their single camel dies. They walk for a while but then it becomes night. Desperate for shelter, suddenly they stumble across a tent and inside is three beautiful women. The men were not only lost but horny too so they begin to have sex with the women. But the tent belongs to a prince and these three women were his wives so he is very angry when he arrives an hour later and sees three strangers having sex with his wives. He tells the three men he will chop off their penises as punishment, in some way relating to their job. He asks the first man what his job is: The guy says, "I’m a fireman" The prince says, "Then we’ll burn your dick off!" The second guy says, "I’m an employee at the shooting range" The prince says, "Then we’ll shoot your dick off!" The third guy smiles and says, "I’m a lollipop salesman

Bar

Anonymous

A very rich and famous comedian walked in to a Russian bar and asked for a vodka, but the bar man (a big fan of his) answered to him:

  • This vodka isn’t good enough for you.
  • If it is good enough for you it is gudonov for me!

Girlfriend

Anonymous

A man wakes up from his operation and the doctor says ‘I have bad news and good news, what do you want to hear first?’ The man says ‘bad’ so the doctor says ‘during the surgery your girlfriend decided to leave a message that she’s leaving you for another man’ the man says ‘what’s the good then?’ And the doctor says ‘I’m picking her up at 7’

Legs

Anonymous

There’s a man in Florida with no arms or legs who is armed and on the run

Corn

no name

why could’nt the man get out of the maize maze?

he got corn-ered

Puns

Anonymous

Police arrested a man who dropped his phone in the ocean. The was charged with a salt in battery.

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Gender

A woah man

Someone asked me my gender… I said woah man

Depression

Depression

Why was the depressed man happy in food-tech?

He got to cut himself.

Girlfriend

dishonorable discharge sniper

I took my girlfriend out the other day… Man do I love being a sniper.

Wife

Tanner Pomeranz

A guy wins a free ticket to the Super Bowl and so he’s very excited.

However, he’s not so excited when he gets there and realizes his seat’s in the back of the stadium.

So he looks around him for a better seat, and to his surprise he finds an empty seat right next to the field.

He approaches the older guy who’s sitting in the seat next to the empty one and asks if the seat is taken.

The man replies, “No.”

The young guy is very surprised to hear this and asks, “How could someone pass up a seat like this?”

The older guy replies, “It’s my wife’s seat. We’ve been to every Super Bowl together since the day we were married but she’s passed away.”

“Oh, how sad,” the young guy says, taken aback. “I’m sorry to hear that, but couldn’t you find a friend or relative to come with you?”

“No,” the man replies, “They’re all at the funeral.”

Cent

Anonymous

What did everyone say about the crazy unemployed homeless man? He made no cents

Bar

CorpseInAMidlifeCrisis

A man walks into a bar with an alligator and a stick. He walks up to the bartender and offers to put on a show for the bar’s patrons in exchange for a drink. The bartender agrees, so he pulls down his pants, sticks his dick in the alligators mouth and starts whacking it with the stick. After he’s done and gets his drink he asks if anyone else would like a go.

A lady gets up and says yes she would like a go, asks that he doesn’t hit her with the stick.

Wife

Old man

A man walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist, “May I have a bottle of arsenic, please?” She is shocked. “Why would you want something like that?” The man calmly tells her, “I want to poison my unfaithful wife and her lover.” The pharmacist is now horrified. She said, “I can not possibly give you that. It is completely illegal and I would lose my license and be prosecuted for conspiracy and murder!” At this point the man hands the pharmacist a photo of his unfaithful wife having sex with the pharmacist’s husband. She examines it then looks up at him. “Oh. I didn’t know you had a prescription.”

White

Anonymous

What do you call a rich white man? Cracker with Cheese!

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