Man jokes
Son: Mom, what's dark humor?
Mom: Do you see that man without arms over there? Tell him to clap.
Son: Mom, I’m blind.
Mom: Exactly.
Son: Mom, what's dark humor?
Mom: Do you see that man without arms over there? Tell him to clap.
Son: Mom, I'm blind.
Mom: Exactly.
An orphan and a homeless man get into a fight, so he yells in a mirror.
A man got pulled over, and the policeman had stepped out and said, "Do you know how fast you were going?"
The man said, "I was trying to catch up with the traffic."
The officer said, "There is no traffic."
The man said, "Exactly, that’s how far behind I am!"
What's a spider-man’s dream job? Web developer.
What do you call Miles Morales Spider-Man from Europe?
Kilometers Morales.
You heard of Spider-Man: No Way Home. Now get ready for:
Orphan: No Way Home.
A man runs into a church and shouts, "Are there any dwarf nuns in the monastery?" The Pope said no, causing the man to say to his friend, "I told you you fucked a penguin!"
The woman became extremely uncomfortable with the man she had just met. While he lay beside her, romantically kissing and stroking her neck he whispered, “I called the number you gave me at the bar tonight. Someone named Alvin answered who has never heard of you.”
Somebody shouts "Fire!"
Man 1: Get the children out!
Man 2: F*** the children!
Man 3: We don't have time!
What happened to the man who turned into a pistachio?
He became a shell of who he once was.
A man sits in a bar and gets seriously drunk to the point where he vomits on his shirt. He panics.
The bartender asked, "What's wrong, sir?"
The man replies, "I got drunk and vomited, my wife will kill me."
The bartender says, "Put $20 in the shirt and say someone puked on you and they paid you for the wash."
So the man walks out with the $20 he put in his shirt pocket. The next day, the wife said, "Why is there vomit on your shirt?"
The man says, "Someone puked on me and gave me $20 bucks for the wash."
The wife pulls out the money. "There is $40," says the wife.
"Oh, he also peed on me and paid for the wash, too." The man walks away believing he didn't get caught by his wife.
Why don’t midgets fight? They walk away to be the bigger man.
Why did the guy's birthday party stink?
Because he was turning farty!
I went into the supermarket; everything was half off. Of course, I took the bottom half of Spider-Man.
Yo mama so fat, she called Dr. Seuss and he couldn’t even rhyme back.
What’s an orphan's favorite Marvel film?
Spider-Man: Far From Home.
When you tell the men in the suits you can see that the demons of your sins are watching you...
But they know you're blind.
What's in a man's mouth when he realizes he's gay?
A dick.
Why did the man cut down the tree? Because it was there. 👨🪚🌲
Why didn't the man cut down the tree? Because it wasn't there. 😕🪚!?️
Why did the tree cut down the man? Because it was a bad tree. 🌲🪚😮