Man jokes
What do you call a door that's a man? A door, man.
I wish I was a policeman, 'cause then I would actually have a gun to shoot myself with.
Why are hindustan bhai so good at Python?
When they are hungry, they use Python and take credit card information ;). You know what they say, you give a man a curry and he eats for a day, you give a man a language and he eats for a lifetime.
It was a sunny day and I was in school. I had history lessons and we had a cool subject! The subject was about Penaldo, the man who statpadded against small teams and camped in the pen spot! Our teacher showed us a map with marked countries in which Penaldo dived like a dolphin!
"Brown bear, brown bear, what do you see?" I see a blind man looking at me.
"Blind man, blind man, what do you see?"
Oh sorry, I forgot you can't see.
What did the blind man say to his dog after eating dinner?
"Just ate a tasty steak!"
Hot man is sexy.
A woman has been raped by a man. She calls the police, and a policeman shows up.
Woman: "Please help, officer! I have been raped!"
Officer: "No problem, ma'am, I will just unrape you."
Woman: "What? Unrape me? How?"
Officer proceeds to bring back the rapist and forces the woman to rape the rapist back in order to cancel out the initial rape.
What would a man say to flirt with a woman that has a big butt?
You are so butty-ful!
A 7-foot-tall man walks into a restaurant with his 4-foot-tall girlfriend, and the maitre d' says to the waiter, “He must be nuts over her.”
A man walks into a bar carrying a big chunk of asphalt and says to the bartender, “Make mine a double Scotch and one more for the road.”
A man bought steroids from Amazon.com... He was expecting a big package to come!
A man walks up to Lil Johnny one day and asks, "If you had one wish, but that wish will be granted to everyone on Earth... what would it be?"
So Lil Johnny thinks real hard and long, then said, "Well, I would wish for me to shit myself."
The man is shocked and asks why, and Lil Johnny replies, "Well, I would be on the toilet. I think everyone else would just be confused!"
One day I was passing a blind man and I gave him a gun and told him it was a blow dryer.
Next day I went for another walk and saw his grave.
Man: Stop with these orphan jokes!
Me: Why? Are they going to tell their parents on me?
What’s the bravest thing a man can do?
Say, “I’m going to get milk!” to his wife and kids.
My wife slept with another man and got pregnant. She told me 9 weeks later. I said it's ok and told her let's talk downstairs, so I pushed her down the stairs.
Man, I had a joke, but it left and never came back.
Girl: Hi (flirt)
Boy: Hi? (reluctant)
Girl: I'm a cheerleader captain, I'm also single (flirt).
Boy 2: Excuse me?! He's MY MAN...
Would you rather have a menstrual period with horrible cramps for 200 days straight (including men)?
Or eat 10 lbs of dog s**t every day for 100 days?