Make jokes

Why can't you make jokes about catholic priests?

Because they blow up in your face.

Q: Why can’t Jesus make fun of gay people?

A: He got nailed first.

What's the same thing between a baby and a grenade?

They both make a sound when thrown.

A puma was making another puma laugh. That puma that was laughing said, “Stop making me laugh! I’m gonna puma pants!”

Why did all the numbers laugh at 22? Because it had "tu tu's."

Q. What sound does a sleeping T-Rex make?

A. A dino-snore.

I tried out some puns to make people laugh, but no pun in ten did.

Someone asked me what the worst mistake you could make while being at work was, and I replied, "Being a doctor and mixing up the oral and rectal thermometers."

I heard every single machine in the coin factory just broke down all of a sudden.

It just doesn’t make any cents!

A man once sued smart water for not making him smart. Then a woman replied, “Okay cool, now I’m going to go sue Thin Mints for not making me thin.”

If a kid refused to go to bed, does that make them guilty of resisting a rest?

Why did the cheese fail the test? It couldn't make the grade, curd.

How do you find a black person in the dark without a flashlight?

Tell them a joke to make them smile.

Roses are red, violets are blue, like my hole, Uncle Bill is making me full, better run here he comes!

Why did the toilet paper not make it across the road?

Because it got stuck in the crack.

A guy told a beautiful girl, "Hey, I want to make love to you. If I throw $2000 when you go to pick it up, that's when I'll go. Is that okay?"

She called her husband, and he said, "Okay, but pick it up fast so he doesn't have time to pull his pants down."

Four hours later, she shows up to her house and tells her husband, "THAT FUCKER PAID IN COINS!"

What sound does a baby make when you put it in a blender? I don’t know. I was too busy wanking.

SOOOO my sister said her first bad word yesterday. "Shit." My mum was like, "What did you just say, child?"

Sister: "I said the cat shits inside like the dog shi- uh oh......"

Now I've avoided this stuff by making my own word: Sugarplum. Sugarplum = shit...

My sister made some pie, and it tasted horribly... so I said this.... "This pie is very sugarplum-y." She said, "What do you mean by that?" I said, "It tastes like sugarplums..."

How does Moses make his coffee?

Hebrews it.

Why is it so hard to make a party on Earth?

Because you need to planet.