Make jokes
If Hillary and Biden got locked in a room together, all they would talk about is how to ruin America and make a plan to steal children.
It doesn’t make much sense why autistic kids run down the hall screaming racecar noises.
I mean, they aren’t in wheelchairs, so I don’t know why they do it.
Dad: How was your trip to the park?
Daughter: It was good until the man came along.
Dad: *gasps* Whatever happened, it wasn't your fault, but tell Daddy, what happened?
Daughter: He made my friends go away so it was just me and him... then he took my dress off...
Dad: Oh God, what next?
Daughter: Nothing, that was it.
Dad: Oh, come on! That wasn't exciting, make something up!
How do you make a baby cry?
You run over it with a lawn mower.
Once I went to a museum and overheard someone speaking to an employee for information.
"These are lying clocks; they tell how many lies a person tells."
"Oh, cool."
"This is Mother Teresa's clock; the clock hasn't moved because she never lied."
"Makes sense."
"This is Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands only moved twice, indicating he only lied twice."
"Where's Trump's clock?"
"Oh, we're using it as a ceiling fan."
And then I burst out laughing 'cause it's so true.
How do you find a black person in the dark without a flashlight?
Tell them a joke to make them smile.
Don't commit suicide, that would make DJUNGELSKOG sad!
What makes 9/11 an inside job?
Someone started calling it 10/7.
I’d make a joke about prostitutes and women sleeping with multiple men, but it would just be whore-ible.
What do a Make-A-Wish kid and mosquitoes have in common?
They both got a 10% survival rate...
What's the difference between a road bump and children crossing the road?
A road bump will make you slow down when you drive over it.
I heard every single machine in the coin factory just broke down all of a sudden.
It just doesn’t make any cents!
I tried out some puns to make people laugh, but no pun in ten did.
Someone asked me what the worst mistake you could make while being at work was, and I replied, "Being a doctor and mixing up the oral and rectal thermometers."
A puma was making another puma laugh. That puma that was laughing said, “Stop making me laugh! I’m gonna puma pants!”
Why did all the numbers laugh at 22? Because it had "tu tu's."
If a kid refused to go to bed, does that make them guilty of resisting a rest?
Q. What sound does a sleeping T-Rex make?
A. A dino-snore.
A man once sued smart water for not making him smart. Then a woman replied, “Okay cool, now I’m going to go sue Thin Mints for not making me thin.”
If I look after chickens, does that make me a chicken tender?