Make jokes
Once I went to a museum and overheard someone speaking to an employee for information.
"These are lying clocks; they tell how many lies a person tells."
"Oh, cool."
"This is Mother Teresa's clock; the clock hasn't moved because she never lied."
"Makes sense."
"This is Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands only moved twice, indicating he only lied twice."
"Where's Trump's clock?"
"Oh, we're using it as a ceiling fan."
And then I burst out laughing 'cause it's so true.
How do you find a black person in the dark without a flashlight?
Tell them a joke to make them smile.
What makes 9/11 an inside job?
Someone started calling it 10/7.
Don't commit suicide, that would make DJUNGELSKOG sad!
I wanted to make a joke about dandruff.
People are still scratching their heads over it.
Your mama's so fat, she needed NASA to make her ID card!
I might not be able to make my bed, but at least I can get out of it.
Why did the cheese fail the test? It couldn't make the grade, curd.
Q: Why can’t Jesus make fun of gay people?
A: He got nailed first.
Pro tip: How to not hit your thumb with a hammer, make your child hold the nail.
Now it's time to make fun of Asians.
What do you call an Asian eating jelly? Yellow Jell-O.
I was going to make a depressing joke, but my parents already did.
What's the same thing between a baby and a grenade?
They both make a sound when thrown.
I’d make a joke about prostitutes and women sleeping with multiple men, but it would just be whore-ible.
Do depressed people hate swimming?
They hate it because they are already drowning in their depression, but they love it because it might make all their dreams come true.
To start off this Christmas season, I'ma make a list of what I want, then I'ma make plans with my family, then to start off my decorations, I'ma start with the first ornament and hang myself.
I am not making a noose; I am making an unsubscribe button for life.
I tried out some puns to make people laugh, but no pun in ten did.
What's the difference between a road bump and children crossing the road?
A road bump will make you slow down when you drive over it.
A man once sued smart water for not making him smart. Then a woman replied, “Okay cool, now I’m going to go sue Thin Mints for not making me thin.”