Make

Make jokes

Dream

    • "Never gonna give, never gonna give (Give you up) We've known each other for so long Your heart's been aching, but You're too shy to say it Inside, we both know what's been going on We know the game and we're gonna play it I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling Gotta make you understand Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you." mucho_mango: just woke up from my dream what was that.

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    • Make memes

    Mistake

    • Teacher: "What is the opposite of the following sentence: 'Children in the dark make mistakes'?"

    Student: "Mistakes in the dark make children."

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    • Mother

    • I'm having sex with your mother. That makes me better than you.

    I'm having sex with your mother. That makes me better than you.

    *guitar solo*

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    • Bar

    • A man walks into a bar and sees a jar full of money, and he asks the bartender what's up with that jar of money.

    Bartender says you gotta do 3 tasks. He takes the shot of Jack, and the customer says, "What are the tasks?" He says, "The 1st one is, well the 1st 1 is, I got about a 12' gator in the back that's got a bad tooth, and you gotta pull it." He says, "All right, what's the 2nd 1?" He said, "I got a big old girl upstairs that ain't had no loving in a long time, you gotta make her smile." He takes another shot of Jack. He said, "All right, what's the 3rd 1?" He said, "You see that horse outside, you gotta make him laugh and cry."

    Guy goes upstairs, goes out back, comes out to the front, comes back in. The other customer said, "Give him the jar." The guy says, "I took care of that lady's tooth, and I made that alligator smile."

    "Well how'd you make the horse laugh?" he said. "Easy, I told him I had a bigger deck then him."

    Bartender says, "How did you make him cry?" He said, "Easy, I showed him."

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    • Place

    • Wade, you're a joke. The worst joke.

    Hoped this would be a safer, more fun place to talk to my BP friends, but I guess not.

    I've also learned that some people think "worst jokes ever" = "terrible unfunny jokes that make light of people who died horribly or otherwise suffered" instead of things like "why did the chicken cross the road?"-type jokes.

    Maybe I'm just too old at this point.

    Penis

    • This joke's short just like Joe Biden's penis.

    Oh wait, if I were to make a joke to the size of Joe Biden's penis, I wouldn't write a joke.

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    • Construction

    • A young family moved into a house next to a vacant lot.

    One day a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot. The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers.

    Eventually the construction crew more or less adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.

    At the end of the first week, they even presented her with a pay envelope containing ten dollars. The little girl took this home to her mother who suggested that she take her $10 "pay" to the bank the next day to start a savings account.

    When the girl and her mom got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own paycheck at such a young age. The little girl proudly replied, "I worked last week with a real construction crew building the new house next door to us."

    "Oh, my goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be working on the house again this week, too?"

    The little girl replied, "I will, if those assholes at Lowe's ever deliver the fucking sheet rock!"

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    • Day

    • Opposite day be like in doors.

    Figure: Finally, I can see.

    Eyes: Nnnnnoooo! I'm blind. Figure, I'm sorry I made fun of you all those other times. Please don't make fun of me.

    Figure: Ok eye promise eye won't.

    Eyes: 😭

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