Make jokes
How do you make a baby cry?
You run over it with a lawn mower.
Once I went to a museum and overheard someone speaking to an employee for information.
"These are lying clocks; they tell how many lies a person tells."
"Oh, cool."
"This is Mother Teresa's clock; the clock hasn't moved because she never lied."
"Makes sense."
"This is Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands only moved twice, indicating he only lied twice."
"Where's Trump's clock?"
"Oh, we're using it as a ceiling fan."
And then I burst out laughing 'cause it's so true.
What do you say after making fun of a disabled person?
"Sorry, I didn't mean to step on your toes."
What makes a joke a dad joke? When it leaves and doesn't come back.
Women be like, "Don't say that about her genitals," then makes fun of men's genitals.
I am not making a noose; I am making an unsubscribe button for life.
Pro tip: How to not hit your thumb with a hammer, make your child hold the nail.
To start off this Christmas season, I'ma make a list of what I want, then I'ma make plans with my family, then to start off my decorations, I'ma start with the first ornament and hang myself.
Do depressed people hate swimming?
They hate it because they are already drowning in their depression, but they love it because it might make all their dreams come true.
Why do orphans make the best girlfriends?
Because they don't need permission from their parents.
My friend said they were going to make a comeback. I told them to do it at the back of the throat.
Devil: Hey angel.
Angel: Hi devil, why are you nice?
Devil: What do angels add to their food to make it a little more spicy?
Angel: What?
Devil: Angelpinos!
What flour do orphans use whilst making cakes? Self-raising.
How do you make a peanut laugh? You crack it up!
I made a website about orphans.
But I can’t make a home page.
Why can’t an orphan make a joke?
Dad jokes.
Roses are red, violets are blue, like my hole, Uncle Bill is making me full, better run here he comes!
Sometimes when I think I'm ugly, I just think of my sister and it makes me feel better.
The only time that cows will make noise is when they are in the moooo-d.
Why did all the numbers laugh at 22? Because it had "tu tu's."