Make jokes

A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, "Have you heard about the mad cow disease that's going around?"

"Yeah," the other cow says. "Makes me glad I'm a penguin."

Who comes once a year and makes your kids cry?

Rapey Santa.

Yo mama so ugly, when Santa saw her, he said, "Ho, ho, hole shit!"

What did the horses say to the donkeys?

"Jackasses, please like!"

I wanted to bomb a restaurant, so I went in there with a bomb, but the bomb got diffused and did not work.

I asked a person standing nearby. I said, "Hey, do you know how to fix this bomb so I can blow up this place?"

He gave me a book.

It was the Quran.

I said, "What the hell is that?"

He said, "This is the official manual for bomb making."

Say this to someone who is fat that you don't like (make sure he's a virgin):

"You're so fat you can sell shaaade!! That's why you're a virgin and you masturbaaate!!! Yeah, I've see you, touching your 1 centimetre and if you have a gf she's is a cheater!!"

Make sure to say "shaaade" not "shade". And say "maturbaaate" (also try to say a D not a T in maturbaaate) not "masturbate".

Does anyone still look at this? If you do, tell me if I should make more jokes :)

How can you make a woman scream your name when you have sex with her?

Change your name to "Rape."

What sandwich spread makes people itch?

Flea-nut butter.

So, there is this button. There's a 50% chance you get a million dollars. There's a 50% chance that you turn into a turtle. Make them press the button, and if they give the money, you just push the orphan over, take their money, and run away because who are they going to tell? Their parents?

So.. err actually, don’t worry. I was gonna make a joke about dead babies, but I had to abort.

Why did the Asian parents have an Asian baby?

Two wongs don't make a white.

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

Dragon.

Dragon deez nuts.

Dragon deez nuts who?

DRAGON DEEZ NUTS ALL OVER YOUR FACE!

Did you know the F in orphan stands for family... Oh wait, haha.

We should stop making jokes about orphans before they tell their parents... Oh, continue.

Little Johnny's teacher asks him, "Johnny, do you pray before you eat?" Little Johnny says, "I don't need to, my mum makes good food."

How do you make a little girl cry for a second time?

By wiping her blood off your dick with her teddy bear.

I constantly wonder how people can live happily ever after, but then I realized that antidepressants don't make you OD.

I'm still not sure how I'm not in jail or have been fined for littering. When I was born, I was born in a hospital trash can, therefore making me a literal piece of trash. That being said, any time I'm out in public, I'm a piece of litter.

The terrorists lost their landing gear and had to make a crash landing into the closest building because religion.

A magic genie tells Tom, "I can make anything of yours disappear!"

Tom raises his mug and says, "Okay, get rid of my tea."

Genie: Poof!

Tom: It didn't work.