Make jokes

Do not ever make fun of people who look like they have no necks. They are fully protected from vampires.

What makes a depressed kid happy? ..... A bridge.

Little Johnny was in class, and his teacher asked, "How many of you guys are Trump fans?" Since the entire class wanted to be liked by the teacher, they all raised their hands, well, except Little Johnny. So the teacher asks, "Why are you being different again, Johnny?" So Little Johnny says, "Well, because I'm a Democrat. My mom is a Democrat, and my dad is a Democrat, so I'm a Democrat!" So then the teacher responds with, "Well, what if your mom was a moron, and your dad was an idiot, what would that make you?" Well, Little Johnny says, "A Trump fan!"

I was making fun of an orphan, then I realized he tracked me down. I made a bad decision. He was Batman!

What makes jokes because it's lonely and a complete and utter loser?

This guy, yep, this guy right here.

How do you make rape funny? Tickle her while you do it.

What makes piracy and anti-piracy so unique?

One isn't that of a thief, while the other is as serious as fuck.

A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, "Have you heard about the mad cow disease that's going around?"

"Yeah," the other cow says. "Makes me glad I'm a penguin."

Who comes once a year and makes your kids cry?

Rapey Santa.

Yo mama so ugly, when Santa saw her, he said, "Ho, ho, hole shit!"

What did the horses say to the donkeys?

"Jackasses, please like!"

I wanted to bomb a restaurant, so I went in there with a bomb, but the bomb got diffused and did not work.

I asked a person standing nearby. I said, "Hey, do you know how to fix this bomb so I can blow up this place?"

He gave me a book.

It was the Quran.

I said, "What the hell is that?"

He said, "This is the official manual for bomb making."

Say this to someone who is fat that you don't like (make sure he's a virgin):

"You're so fat you can sell shaaade!! That's why you're a virgin and you masturbaaate!!! Yeah, I've see you, touching your 1 centimetre and if you have a gf she's is a cheater!!"

Make sure to say "shaaade" not "shade". And say "maturbaaate" (also try to say a D not a T in maturbaaate) not "masturbate".

Does anyone still look at this? If you do, tell me if I should make more jokes :)

How can you make a woman scream your name when you have sex with her?

Change your name to "Rape."

What sandwich spread makes people itch?

Flea-nut butter.

So, there is this button. There's a 50% chance you get a million dollars. There's a 50% chance that you turn into a turtle. Make them press the button, and if they give the money, you just push the orphan over, take their money, and run away because who are they going to tell? Their parents?

So.. err actually, don’t worry. I was gonna make a joke about dead babies, but I had to abort.

Why did the Asian parents have an Asian baby?

Two wongs don't make a white.

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

Dragon.

Dragon deez nuts.

Dragon deez nuts who?

DRAGON DEEZ NUTS ALL OVER YOUR FACE!