How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
Tell him to clap until his parents come home.
My mom told me to make my dad smile, and she will give me $100, so I said, "The Cowboys are gonna win the Super Bowl." He smiled, but my mom didn't give it to me.
Anyways, I forgot about my package coming, and the mailman came, and I said, "I like your hat; teal looks nice on you," and he smiled, and my mom gave me $100.
Does it make me gay if I kiss your dad and he decides to drill my ass?
I usually don’t make school shooting jokes.
Because they’re aimed at a younger audience.
Your eyebrows could make the bushes outside feel jealous.
How do I make my dick disappear?
I put it in your dad.
How do you make a body disappear?
You use an axe, black plastic bags, a forest, a shovel, and some ice cream because killing someone and chopping them up and digging holes in the ground and putting dirt over them is a lot of hard work!
P.S., I'm joking and don't condone these actions.
What makes a cult and a racist family of 5 common?
Not all are friends.
Do not ever make fun of people who look like they have no necks. They are fully protected from vampires.
What makes a depressed kid happy? ..... A bridge.
Little Johnny was in class, and his teacher asked, "How many of you guys are Trump fans?" Since the entire class wanted to be liked by the teacher, they all raised their hands, well, except Little Johnny. So the teacher asks, "Why are you being different again, Johnny?" So Little Johnny says, "Well, because I'm a Democrat. My mom is a Democrat, and my dad is a Democrat, so I'm a Democrat!" So then the teacher responds with, "Well, what if your mom was a moron, and your dad was an idiot, what would that make you?" Well, Little Johnny says, "A Trump fan!"
I was making fun of an orphan, then I realized he tracked me down. I made a bad decision. He was Batman!
What makes jokes because it's lonely and a complete and utter loser?
This guy, yep, this guy right here.
How do you make rape funny? Tickle her while you do it.
What makes piracy and anti-piracy so unique?
One isn't that of a thief, while the other is as serious as fuck.
A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, "Have you heard about the mad cow disease that's going around?"
"Yeah," the other cow says. "Makes me glad I'm a penguin."
Who comes once a year and makes your kids cry?
Rapey Santa.
Yo mama so ugly, when Santa saw her, he said, "Ho, ho, hole shit!"
What did the horses say to the donkeys?
"Jackasses, please like!"
I wanted to bomb a restaurant, so I went in there with a bomb, but the bomb got diffused and did not work.
I asked a person standing nearby. I said, "Hey, do you know how to fix this bomb so I can blow up this place?"
He gave me a book.
It was the Quran.
I said, "What the hell is that?"
He said, "This is the official manual for bomb making."
