Say this to someone who is fat that you don't like (make sure he's a virgin):
"You're so fat you can sell shaaade!! That's why you're a virgin and you masturbaaate!!! Yeah, I've see you, touching your 1 centimetre and if you have a gf she's is a cheater!!"
Make sure to say "shaaade" not "shade". And say "maturbaaate" (also try to say a D not a T in maturbaaate) not "masturbate".
Does anyone still look at this? If you do, tell me if I should make more jokes :)
How can you make a woman scream your name when you have sex with her?
Change your name to "Rape."
What sandwich spread makes people itch?
Flea-nut butter.
So, there is this button. There's a 50% chance you get a million dollars. There's a 50% chance that you turn into a turtle. Make them press the button, and if they give the money, you just push the orphan over, take their money, and run away because who are they going to tell? Their parents?
So.. err actually, don’t worry. I was gonna make a joke about dead babies, but I had to abort.
Why did the Asian parents have an Asian baby?
Two wongs don't make a white.
Knock knock who’s there dragon deez nuts dragon deez nuts who? DRAGON DEEZ NUTS ALL OVER YOUR FACE
Did you know the F in orphan stands for family... Oh wait, haha.
We should stop making jokes about orphans before they tell their parents... Oh, continue.
Little Johnny's teacher asks him, "Johnny, do you pray before you eat?" Little Johnny says, "I don't need to, my mum makes good food."
How do you make a little girl cry for a second time?
By wiping her blood off your dick with her teddy bear.
I constantly wonder how people can live happily ever after, but then I realized that antidepressants don't make you OD.
I'm still not sure how I'm not in jail or have been fined for littering. When I was born, I was born in a hospital trash can, therefore making me a literal piece of trash. That being said, any time I'm out in public, I'm a piece of litter.
The terrorists lost their landing gear and had to make a crash landing into the closest building because religion.
A magic genie tells Tom, "I can make anything of yours disappear!"
Tom raises his mug and says, "Okay, get rid of my tea."
Genie: Poof!
Tom: It didn't work.
A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an expedition to the Amazon Forest. After a while, they get lost. As they are walking, suddenly the bushes jump up into the air, and men with spears are there.
One man says, "Hey, you're in our sacred land. So, what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes. But we aren’t that crazy, so we will let you choose how you die."
The man from France said, "Bring me the poison."
The man from Britain said, "Bring me the gun."
And the man from New York said, "Bring me a fork."
The guy was confused with the fork but still brought the items and gave them to them. The guy from France said, “For France!” and drank the poison and died. The man from Britain said, “Long live the Queen!” and shot himself and died. And the man from New York started stabbing himself with the fork and said, “MAKE A CANOE OUT OF THIS YOU FUCKERS!”
Don't be sad if you miss a shot when you yell "Kobe." He didn't make it either.
What type of bee can't make up his mind?
A maybe.
Umm, what joke should I make?
Man: I'm here for the job interview.
Employer: Oh good, good. Sit down. We don't get many people for the interviews.
Man: Just anywhere?
Employer: Yeah, make yourself comfortable. Jackson, right?
Man: Yeah, that's me.
(Shakes hands and sits back down)
Employer: So what makes you eligible for the job, Jackson?
Man: Well, I'm really good at capturing the perfect shot and angle. It really takes dedication to do this type of job. Concentration and willpower, sir.
Employer: I like you already, you're hired!
Man: Wow, thanks, sir. I know I won't do you wrong. I'll work hard for this job!
Employer: You start now! Your first person is a man named John F Kennedy.
Man: What? You want me to just take pictures of him during the parade?
Employer: No.
Man: This... This is a photography job, right?
Employer: No... this is a job employment for man hunting.
