Whenever I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep.
There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things, and it can be quite annoying, making it hard for the patients to sleep, so I unplug them.
Whatโs 9 inches long and makes my girlfriend scream one and put it in her Her miscarriage
Your mom is so ugly that she uses Snapchat filters to make her pretty.
What comment did the United States Senator Kamla Harris make when one of her 64% blue dog democrat constituents called her incompetent?
"Sometimes I sits and thinks, and sometimes I just sits!"
Are you a razor? 'Cause you make me red.
What is the worst part about making an Asian girl squirt?
She charges you for extra sauce!
Scientists make skyscrapers and airplanes.
Religion crashes them.
What's the difference between a cop and bacon?
Bacon is full of fat and makes you feel good. A cop is full of shit and will make you feel their hot steamy cock as they ram it up your ass with some justice sprinkled on top.
Google is a woman because it doesnโt let you finish a sentence before it makes suggestions.
A guy on a bus saw a beautiful girl. He asked for her number, and of course, she said no. He asked the bus driver for advice, and he said, "That girl goes to the cemetery to pray every day at 10 p.m. and look for a statue of an angel." So he dresses up as God, goes to the grave, and she sees him. She says, "Oh, Lord, end my misery! Kill me now!" And he said, "Only if you do something for me first." She replied, "What is it, oh mighty Lord?" He said, "Have sex with me." She agreed. They had sex, and when she was done sucking his dick, he said, "I have something to tell you." He took off his costume and said, "I'm the guy from the bus." And she took off her costume: "I'm the bus driver."
(Does anyone remember this? It's an old joke someone made, or does no one remember this? I didn't make this, but it went smth like this)
Whatโs the best thing about making out with dead girls?
They canโt say no.
Your ma is so slow, it took her 9 months to make a joke.
How do rappers make their money?
By dropping dimes.
Why did the booty get a job?
To make ends meet!
Why don't booties make good drummers?
They can't keep a beat without making a FART NOISE.
What do sex and food have in common?
My sister makes it better than my cousin.
Why do asses make the best detectives?
They always CRACK the case
There were these two guys in a lunatic asylum... and one night, they decide they don't like living in an asylum anymore. They decide they're going to escape!
So, like, they get up onto the roof, and there, just across this narrow gap, they see the rooftops of the town, stretching away in the moonlight... stretching away to freedom. Now, the first guy, he jumps right across with no problem. But his friend, his friend didn't dare make the leap. You see... You see, he's afraid of falling.
So then, the first guy has an idea... He says "Hey! I have my flashlight with me! I'll shine it across the gap between the buildings. You can walk along the beam and join me!" B-but the second guy just shakes his head. He suh-says... He says "Wh-what do you think I am? Crazy? You'd turn it off when I was half way across!"
What do Nike and the KKK have in common?
They both make Black people run faster.
Would you steal 20 dollars from a stupid 6 year old kid with Down syndrome who can't talk and make ah ah ah noises, or get one dollar for saying the N word?
