I tried to get into an emo bar, but I didn't make the cut.
I don't know what makes BlessedBrian so STUPID, but it REALLY works!
BlessedBrian is always stupid, but he’s been making a SPECIAL EFFORT recently.
How does a rapper make tea?
He drops some HOT BARS into a cup.
Why don't rappers ever make good chefs?
Because they always drop the beet!
How does a rapper make a burrito?
With WRAPPING paper, DUUUHHHHHH!
Why did the rapper open a bakery?
Because he wanted to make dough.
Did you know Disney is making a movie for suicidal people?
They're calling it Finding Emo.
A guy told a beautiful girl, "Hey, I want to make love to you. If I throw $2000 when you go to pick it up, that's when I'll go. Is that okay?"
She called her husband, and he said, "Okay, but pick it up fast so he doesn't have time to pull his pants down."
Four hours later, she shows up to her house and tells her husband, "THAT FUCKER PAID IN COINS!"
Why did the rapper become a beekeeper?
Because he wanted to make some HONEY FLOWS.
Why did the rapper go to the bank?
To make some DEPOSITS of RHYMES.
What do you call a person who keeps making jokes about rappers?
An annoying prick whose black dad left him as a kid.
"If you can make them laugh and giggle, you can make their booty shake and jiggle."
Long time since I made a joke, huh? I used a Time Machine to make this one.
Dave got a new job at the suicide hotline.
The manager shows him to his desk and Dave has a seat.
The manager says, "Remember! Your job is to make sure that the person at the other end of the line does not kill himself, no matter what! That's the one thing you have to do!"
Dave says "No problem! I will do exactly what you just told me!" and the manager leaves him to his job.
A few minutes, later Dave's phone rings.
"Hello?" Dave answers. No response for a few seconds, then a voice appears.
"My wife cheated on me," a man says. The man on the other end of the line is clearly depressed.
"I'm sorry to hear that," Dave says.
"I found out that she's been doing it for months; she says I don't treat her well enough. She's filing for divorce and threatening to take the kids from me. I don't know what to do. I just took up drinking and gambling, the pain goes away at first but it always comes back. I don't think I can even afford to see a psychiatrist; money is tight as it always is. I wish I could manage my finances better... I just don't see any way out. I think the only thing I can do that makes sense is to just kill myself."
Dave pauses for a moment, thinks, and then he asks:
"Wouldn't it make more sense to kill her?"
Donald Trump is proud of being white, which is strange, considering he's orange. Makes you wonder why he didn't pull a Michael Jackson and bleach his own skin....
Did you hear that Joe contracted Sugondese Ligma on his trip to Suggon, and now he won’t be able to make it to Saw Con?
A boss said to his secretary, "I want to have sex with you, but I will make it very fast."
"I'll throw $1,000 on the floor and by the time you bend down to pick it up, I'll be done."
She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend said, "Do it but ask him for $2,000. Then pick up the money so fast, he won't even have enough time to undress himself." She agrees.
After half an hour passes, the boyfriend calls the girlfriend and asks, "So what happened?" She responds, "The... bastard.....used.....coins."
What kind of animal makes a good bottle opener?
A male Duck on Viagra.
The worst comedians take 9 months to make a joke. Then they spend the rest of their lives trying to forget it.
