Rape, 9/11, abortion, orphan, murder, dead, kill, drugs.
What makes all these categories so familiar? Either you've experienced them, or made them up in your backstory.
Make Jokes
Ever wondered how Jesus got rid of the cross that killed him?
Burned it in a hellish fire to make some firewood.
I was trying to make homemade baby powder until I realized it isn't made from babies, oops wrong ingredient... smh
I tried to make a pun about cheese, but I couldn't think of any good "whey" to do it.
Why did the cheese fail the test? It couldn't make the grade, curd.
Your hairline goes so far back, your mom is scared you're not going to make friends.
I told my sister to make a noise and hear what she said... "Cuckoo coo chew." #Owl🦉
Want to know something? Jason and Michael Myers had to watch their family while they have to live forever. That's why they kill; they're trying to make people experience what they did.
Why is hangman always done in black ink?
To make it more realistic.
One time, I was making a caramel apple.
When I mistook 1 gallon of caramel for 1 camel!
I went to a library and I started to make fun of a disabled guy. He started crying, and I said, "Stand up for yourself!"
Some guy: making a sandwich.
Me: *rages* to put the ham in!
I can make a living with the "Treat Yo self" budget.
Yet I can’t use the "Help yo self" budget.
I was making a coffee for my boss and this was the supposed recipe:
1 egg 1 tomato diced bell peppers a bag of sugar sea salt coffee beans rusted nails.
I got fired and spent the next 20 years in prison with a dude named Papa Bear.
Btw friend here also wants to do suicide.
Friend: Why did I cross the road? Me: To get to the other side. Friend: True!
Friend: Hey let's go hang out at the forest today! Me: Ok *grabs ropes for the both of us and rushes outside bc this is a lucky day* Friend: Hey at least we did it!
Friend: What's the best thing about me? Me: You will eventually end. Friend: Hmmmmmm . . . true!
Friend: What historical time influenced you the most? Me: The great depression.
If I could be an object I'd be glass because I'm see-through and I can shatter with the minimum difficulty immediately!
My parents sometimes say I'm their sunshine! . . . because I'm painful if you look at me.
Teacher: What does km/s mean? Me+like almost all of the class: *in unison* It means kill myself but misspelled.
Friend: What's the best way to end a game? Me: With death. Friend: . . . Hmmm now that you think about it yeah! That's the best way!
When you're about to jump down a cliff but you realize that you can't litter there.
Google says that you're about 75% water but I'm made of 101% depression 101% anxiety 101% suicidal 101% stress.
Brain be like will_to_live.exe, happiness.exe, and many more others not found also you have now got crippling_depression.exe, anxiety.exe, suicide_thoughts.exe, suicide_attempts, and stressful_life.exe so so so much many more.
How do you keep weeds away? Just put a bucket of crippling depression and suicidal thought and attempts in the soil and then they just kill themselves. Problem solved.
When you take antidepressants but they don't work it will just make you more depressed and that's a fact.
A bored depressed suicidal person: *sees a dying person* Dying person: P-l-pls c-c-c-call m-me a-an amb-b-bulancccee *wheeze* *dies* Bored depressed suicidal person: Hmmmm ur an ambulance Dying person: *manages to get back up* Bored depressed suicidal person: Oooooohh goddddd Dying person: *in a demonic tone* BUT NOT FOR ME~
Roses are red, Inside I'm dead, I have crippling depression, Some one pls shoot my head.
When you finally open up to a person who you think will care and understand but it turns out that they don't. You: *panickingpanickingpanickingpanickingpanickingpanickingpanickingpanickingpanickingpanickingpanickingpanickingpanickingpanickingpanickingpanicking*
The only time you should lift your spirits up is when your gonna hang yourself.
A made-up story starting now. So I went to school as usual. There's a school shooting. All the depressed suicidal people: *crave death* *walks up to shooter* all say KILL ME A made-up story starting ending.
In this one the friend isn't suicidal. Friend: Wanna play a game? Me: Life wait no a game has a meaning. Friend: . . . *crickets* Friend: Calls suicide hotline. Me: Wait no!!!!!
Me: *has crippling depression* *asks mom why I was born* Mom: Hmmm I think I was drunk and on a lotta drugs. Me: Hmmm tysm *gets the rope* Mom: *making hanging puns* Me: *hurries to the trash truck*
Me: At this point I've lived about a decade depressed and suicidal that I don't struggle with it now, I'm good at it and it's all normal.
Hope you enjoyed.
If you swallow gum, it will make your poop bouncy.
I'd make an emo joke, but that would be cutting a little too close.
Americans when they think they have the best offensive British jokes: "we threw your tea in the ocean." 💀
British people making offensive jokes about America: "our towers didn’t explode."😎
They call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me poor and ugly.
People should've recognized that Jared Fogle was a sick offender by one coded Subway sandwich; he normally claimed to kids he ate the sweet onion chicken teriyaki when it was the tuna sub.
Tuna sub was the message of the target to the kid since "tuna sub" put together makes "tunasub" and the truth comes when you spell it in reverse ("busanut")!
