Make a

Make a jokes

A pirate walks into a tavern with a pirate ship attached to his nutty wuttys. It's driving me nuts!

A troll proceeds to pull out a desert eagle and shoot the pirate in the face. He makes a poggers face and says, "Problem??"

If Hillary and Biden got locked in a room together, all they would talk about is how to ruin America and make a plan to steal children.

Man A: "Is Google male or female?"

Man B: "Female, because it does not let you finish the sentence before making a suggestion."

I was making a bet with my grandfather about who would die first. I said that I would die first.

He said "Bet" and died after he drank his coffee.

He was my least favorite grandparent.

A man walks into a bar with his pet octopus and proudly claims the animal can play any musical instrument. The bartender pulls out a guitar from behind the bar and gives it to the octopus, which plays an amazing solo. Just then a Scotsman walks into the bar with a set of bagpipes. The octopus grabs the instrument and wrestles around with it on the ground, flailing about, making a horrible sound. The bartender says, "Hey, looks like he can't play that!" and the octopus says, "Play it? As soon as I get it's pajamas off, I'm gonna fuck it!"

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    • Me telling my parents I'm depressed: my parents, "No, you're just a little stressed and want attention, am I right?" My depression worsening, me: "Yeah, you're totally right mom..." Me in my head making a plan to commit suicide.....

    One day I came to my mom and said, "MOM!!! I can make a butterfly!"

    Mom: "No you can't..."

    Me: *throws butter out the window* Me: "Look I made a butterfly!"

    lol this isn't funny but I hope you liked it.

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    • God- make a grumpy old man president.

    Angel- why?

    G- cause I said so-name him Trump.

    A- okay.

    G- make him not pay taxes.

    A- okay...

    Fast forward to 2020

    G- you know that grumpy old man?

    A- yea...

    G- make him create a deadly virus named after a beer.

    A- Krona.

    G- exactly.

    A- why do you hate humans so much?

    G- because I can.

    He: I am 60 and I have to slog 12 hours a day to make a living. Do you call it life?

    She: I am 28 and still a virgin, do you call it life?

    Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning, and his dad was making a lot of mistakes. Suddenly, his dad screams "bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant, and his dad replied "aunts and uncles." Oh. Next thing he hears is "dicks and pussies!" Johnny asks, "What's that mean?" To which his dad replied, "Uh, coats and hats." Oh. Next thing he know, he sees his dad jumping around the bathroom yelling "fucking, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" "What does that mean, Dad?" And his dad yells, "Cut, Johnny, it means cut!!!!" Oh.

    Next week is Thanksgiving, and the doorbell rings, and Johnny answers it and says, "Hey, bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, Dad's in the kitchen fucking the turkey."

    Person one: What did the DJ name his son?

    Person two: IDK, what?

    Person one: Erik (while making a DJ motion).

    I'm doing a new thing where you say an object in the comments, and I will try to make a joke based off the object.

    If you are interested, you can submit an object in the comments.

    I will give the person credit each joke I do.

    I see all these 9/11 jokes, and I’m disgusted. I personally won’t make a 9/11 joke because they have a tendency to crash and burn.

    What’s the easiest way to make a glow worm happy? Cut off its tail—it’ll be delighted!

    Daughter: So, I got my period.

    Mom: That's wonderful, dear! Now you can bleed for a whole week a month without dying!

    Daughter: That's nice, Mum, but isn't the whole point of getting your period dying?

    Mom: Yes, but you have to kill yourself a little longer to live through to another day.

    Daughter: Thanks, Mum. That makes a whole lot of sense. (Sarcastically.)

    Mom: You're welcome, honey. (Clueless, obviously.)