Love jokes
I love going to church to get closer to God, but my least favorite part of church has to be touching the priest’s penis.
I raped a girl and I liked it.
I hope my girlfriend won't mind it.
It felt so wrong, it felt so right.
Don't mean I'm in love tonight.
I said I was going to my flat. I really meant your girl.
Are you sure your father isn't a thief?
Because he stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.
There's nothing stronger than love, except for an M32 Rotary Grenade Launcher because fuck you and everyone near you.
I could never fall out of a boat because I've already fallen for you.
What do furries and fast food lovers have in common? They both love hot dogs.
Brings a whole new meaning to brotherly love.
Why do so many kids love boomerangs? Because they always come back.
Person 1: "I love KFC."
Person 2: "Yeah, me too!"
Person 1: "How many have you gotten?"
Person 2: "How am I supposed to remember how many buckets of chicken I have ordered!?"
Person 1: "Chicken? What chicken? What do you think KFC stands for?"
Person 2: "Kentucky Fried Chicken?"
Person 1: "What? I thought it meant kidnapping foster children."
Person 2: "BLOODY WHATT??"
Motherhood is like a fairy tale, but in reverse. You start out in a beautiful ball gown and end up in stained rags cleaning up after little people.
"I work with animals," the guy says to his Tinder date.
"That's so sweet," she replies. "I like a man who loves animals. Where do you work?"
"I'm a butcher," he says.
Motherhood is a fairytale in reverse. You start in a beautiful gown and end up cleaning everyone's messes.
What do Americans and stars have in common?
They both love shooting up.
So, gender equality is the idea that a woman can do anything a man can, right? That they should be treated the same? So, therefore, if she swings on me, I could punch her into the Twin Towers because of gender equality. I love gender equality.
Roses are red. Violets are blue. Your wife needs Jon Grudon, too.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Lay on the bed, So I can fuck you.
Are you a sports car? Because you give my heart quite a rush!
You know why you remind me of a calculator? Because 1+1 equals the two of us.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.
Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you? But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.
My senior relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying things like, “You’ll be next!” They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals.